A recent article on Cosmopolitan caught my eye this morning. Writer Brit Dawson, Sex & Relationships Editor at the magazine, spoke about being brutally honest with friends when it comes to dating.“With endless mixed signals, bad behaviour, and raised hopes, the dating world is harder to navigate than ever,” Dawson wrote in her article. “But should we be helping our friends sail through the slaloms with a little more frankness?”That’s a great question—and one I’ve been exploring the past few years.I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum. I’ve been the friend who’s struggling in her relationship and needing non-judgmental support, only to receive harsh criticism in return.I’ve also been the girl who watches her amazing, loving friend lose the spark in her eyes while dating some shitty dude who couldn’t care less about her.Both experiences were equally confusing and painful.So…can we find a happy medium?Enabling vs. judgingNow, we all know that enabling someone’s bad behavior does not help them—or yourself—in the long run. The same goes for dating. If you’re constantly supporting your friend’s choice to stay with her cheating boyfriend, you’re probably not helping her move on or make better decisions.Dawson spoke with a 23-year-old girl named Lauren who had two extreme friend types: the sugarcoater and the saltcoater.“There was a period when I stopped telling the saltcoater friend things because I didn’t want to hear the truth, and so confided in the sugarcoater more,” she told Cosmopolitan. “But I ended up putting myself in stupid situations and practically became a doormat because the advice I was getting reinforced my behaviour and the toxic situation I was in. After one conversation with the saltcoater, I was dragged back to reality, which is 100% what I needed.”In this case, the brutal, harsh advice she received from her saltcoater friend helped her reach a more grounded decision.However, judging and criticizing your friend for their decisions might have a similar effect as enabling. Oftentimes, this just further shames the person, damaging their self-worth and potentially leading to even more self-destructive behavior. So, of course, there has to be a balance. When you’re delivering harsh advice, make it clear you’re not judging or belittling your friend.I’ve certainly been on the receiving end of that treatment, and let me tell you: it’s not helpful or empowering. Rather, it ate at my confidence and fed into my self-doubt.Not to mention, it discouraged me from confiding in that friend in the future.Empowering your friends through honest feedbackI have a friend who’s become my go-to for relationship advice simply because she provides a listening ear, gives honest feedback (when requested), and asks the right questions to prompt self-reflection.Rather than telling me what I should do or how I should feel, she grounds me in reality so I can come to those conclusions myself. This has helped me become more self-reliant and less dependent on others’ opinions.Of course, that doesn’t mean she won’t call out instances of toxicity or abuse. However, she never blames or shames me in the process. Because of her—and other friends who operate similarly—I’ve been able to walk away from people who were mistreating me. It wasn’t because my friends demanded I left or judged me for staying; it was because they empowered me to make healthy decisions for myself.In return, I now try to strike a balance and instead empower my friends to make their own choices when it comes to dating. Sometimes, the more we tell people what to do, the less willing they are to do it. It has to come from them.Does that mean you should enable their poor choices? Absolutely not. You can set boundaries and be honest with them—but you can do so without being a jerk.The post How to Give Your Friends Honest Dating Advice Without Sounding Like a Jerk appeared first on VICE.