Getty ImagesWhat would attending your own wake be like? To say goodbye to the people in your life in person? What stories would you tell in your own eulogy? While still relatively uncommon, living wakes are an emerging end-of-life rite in Australia. They may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but for those who want to share one more cuppa before they go, they offer a final opportunity to come together. There are multiple initiatives increasing death literacy in Australia. These include events such as Dying to Know Day, a rise in death cafes (where people can ask questions, tell stories and talk about death) and death doulas, as well as national advocacy around voluntary assisted dying. My ongoing ethnographic research has involved extensive interviews and time spent with families and deathcare workers around Australia, particularly those involved with living wakes.My findings show people are becoming more confident and willing to discuss, plan and craft these personalised end-of-life rituals. What is a living wake?A living wake goes by many names, and sometimes no name at all. It can be called a living funeral, a celebration of life, an “awakening”, a bon voyage party, or even a creatively personalised name such as the “Festival of Barry’s Life”.Regardless of the name used, it is a deliberate coming together around a person who is dying, in order to say goodbye and celebrate their life. One of my interviewee’s described why her mum wanted a living wake: she wanted to have a chance to tell her stories, and see the friends and family that she hadn’t seen […] she wanted to see everyone together again.The late Australian radio broadcaster James Valentine held his own living wake, before his death last month. His celebration, on Valentine’s day, became part of a documentary tracing his last year.Sharing stories such as James’, as well as those of less public figures, is vital in bringing living wakes into the public imagination. Bringing personality to end-of-life ritualsTiming can be one of the challenges with a living wake. These events are typically hosted by people who have a terminal illness and are aware of their imminent death.Many death doulas – non-medical deathcare workers who support the dying person and their families – advise that people who would like to have one should have it as early as they can, while they still feel up to it. Voluntary assisted dying also enables the choice to include these goodbye rituals. Living wakes are part of a growing trend of ritual creativity. This includes newer ritual elements, such as coffin decorating, alongside the personalisation of familiar funerary traditions – which could be as simple as holding a memorial at the person’s favourite place.The event may incorporate religious or cultural elements, such as prayers or cultural ritual, or may be more secular with activities that best represent the dying person, such as karaoke or ice-cream tasting. Hosts and guests at living wakes tend to have few rigid expectations, as it’s usually everyone’s first time taking part in one.There are no guidelines, no set structure and no need for formalities. A barbeque in the backyard with the dying person’s favourite beers is as legitimate as an event with a formal celebrant and speeches.“We made it up as we went along, really” is a common refrain from family and friends. This doesn’t make the rituals less meaningful. Rather, it creates opportunities for authentic and memorable gatherings. An Australian irreverence and practicality can sometimes colour the event with playful and unexpected flair, without denying the very real feelings of anticipatory grief. Shared storytelling, including from the dying person, is often described as the highlight for guests: an opportunity to laugh and cry alongside each other and make new memories. Families who choose to host living wakes are often creating unique events tailored entirely around their person. Getty Images An increasingly accepted practiseLiving wakes have gained traction in recent years as part of a broader shift towards more celebratory and personalised funerals that aim to offer the bereaved a goodbye that feels authentic. As Melbourne-based death doula told me:You know, people walk away from funerals and say ‘she would have loved that’. A living wake is a chance to say instead ‘it was great that Granny was there to hear those stories and feel loved’.My research has found only a few reported examples of living wakes in Australia before the 1980s. A scattering of events in the 1990s started to show global rising interest, and since then media reports have helped further expose these events to the general public.That said, most living wakes go entirely unrecorded by anyone other than attendees. With only a few deathcare professionals present, such as funeral directors and celebrants, these intimate events become stories held in the family, rather than in public archives.Cindy Stocken receives funding from the Commonwealth through an Australian Government Research Training Program Scholarship. She is studying with University of Melbourne and the Death Tech Research Team ( https://arts.unimelb.edu.au/research/deathtech ).