Actress Anupama Parameswaran has opened up in detail about her experience of narcissistic abuse, revealing that she could not recognise her own reflection, nearly quit acting and tried therapy twice before finding a therapist who worked. She has been going to therapy every week for the past two months. On the work front, Anupama has 10 films across Telugu, Tamil and Malayalam cinema in various stages of production, along with an upcoming Hindi rom-com marking her Bollywood debut. Reflecting on her personal growth, the actress described this new phase of her life as “Anupama 2.0.”In an interview with SCREEN, Anupama Parameswaran opened up about her everyday struggles during the period when she experienced narcissistic abuse. “You look into the mirror, and you don’t see yourself. You see beyond yourself. You can never see your face in the mirror. Every day I do my makeup. And when I do my makeup, I am looking at my face. But am I looking at my face? I am not,” she said.Also Read: Anupama Parameswaran recalls ex-partner using her menstrual cycle to dismiss confrontationsAnupama said her existence during that period was reduced to getting through each day. There was no enjoyment and no sense of what came next. “Every day is survival mode. There’s no living your life. It’s just constantly surviving the day. By the end of the day, you’re like, thank God I survived today. And then you’re wondering what nightmare is going to happen tomorrow before you sleep.”She summed her experience in four words. “Living life was exhausting,” she said.‘I would have done 50 per cent better’The emotional toll also affected her work. Anupama Parameswaran said that the films she shot during that period suffered because she was present on set but absent in every way that matters. She named her upcoming release Crazy Kalyanam, a Telugu family entertainer, as an example. Anupama Parameswaran earlier revealed the physical toll of the abuse she experienced over two years.“It has affected my work a lot. If I had to redo Crazy Kalyanam again, or any film I’ve shot during that period, I would have done at least 50 per cent better job than what I did,” she said.Story continues below this adAnupama recalls she came close to stopping entirely. “I didn’t give up on my work totally. I could have. I was on the verge of doing that. I didn’t do that. So I would like to give myself that credit. Sometimes showing up is all that matters.”She refused to carry guilt for the dip in her work. “I am not blaming myself for that. Even when I was going through something so bad, I dared to get up from there and show up and do whatever I could,” she said.Also Read: Anupama says she was ‘sl*t-shamed’ by ex amid Dhruv Vikram break-up rumours: ‘Destroyed me’‘The scrutiny was not enough’When the details of her personal life became public, the media attention was intense. Anupama Parameswaran told SCREEN the opposite of what most people in her position would say. She said the scrutiny was not enough.Story continues below this ad“Actually, I was not scrutinised enough. I expected 90 per cent of the world to scrutinise me, and I would have been happy if that happened,” she said.The reason is straightforward: the public conversation introduced the concept of narcissistic abuse to an audience that had largely never heard the term. Anupama said she herself did not know what narcissistic abuse was before she experienced it. Now, because her situation played out in public, people across South India are recognising patterns in their own lives. Anupama Parameswaran was last seen in Mareechika“Even a few days back, we were shooting, and a couple of girls came and hugged me and started crying. They see me as an elder sister,” she said, adding, “I don’t feel good about it. I feel extremely sad. Every time I meet someone like that, I empathise with what they are going through.”Men have come forward too. “There are men who came to me and spoke about themselves, about their family, their sister, someone they knew who was going through it and how they’ve come out of it.”Story continues below this adShe considers the awareness worth whatever personal cost the scrutiny carried. “Now people in the south know that there is something called narcissistic abuse, which I didn’t know before I encountered it. If it’s helping a lot of people, I am absolutely fine to take more scrutiny,” she said.Three attempts at therapyAnupama Parameswaran did not find the right therapist on her first try, or her second. She said, “I tried therapy once but it was not resolving things for me. Probably the wrong choice of therapist. Probably I was not prepared for it.” The second attempt was couple therapy. “That also was not a good experience,” Anupama added.Also Read: Anupama Parameswaran recalls relationship horror that led to eye surgery: ‘Cried every night’She realised that therapy during an active crisis was not going to work. She needed to close the chapter in her own head first. “I had to close this particular situation in my head first and then come to who I am. A therapist is not your best friend. You can’t call them any time of the day. You have to make an appointment. It’s a process. You can’t be dependent on the therapist when you’re in a crisis. But the trauma, the unresolved trauma response, those are the things you should resolve afterwards.”Story continues below this adThe third attempt, about two months ago, stuck. Her therapist set expectations on day one. “Don’t expect this to be like a spa treatment. It’s going to be extremely taxing, and it might break you, but it will definitely make you,” the therapist told her.The sessions have been nothing like what she expected. She walks in feeling normal. She walks out having cried. “Every session I walk into therapy, I feel like today I’m normal and happy. And I end up crying. Puffy face after the therapy,” she said.Also Read: ‘What do you know about my life?’: Anupama Parameswaran responds to breakup rumoursThe biggest surprise was what the therapy is actually resolving, and it was not about the narcissistic abuse. “What is being resolved in therapy is not what is happening now. It is about you from your childhood. Every small incident from your childhood. The right therapist makes you communicate with yourself in the process.”‘I wanted to get me back’Story continues below this adAnupama was clear about what she wanted from therapy. “It’s not about reinventing yourself. It’s about reconnecting to the person you lost in the process. I wanted to get me back. The person I lost in my journey,” she said.The actress said the change is already visible. “I am very free, relaxed. I see the world extremely differently. My perspective has completely changed. She calls this version of herself ‘2.0.’10 films and a Hindi debutAnupama Parameswaran currently has 10 films in various stages of production: three in Telugu, three in Tamil and four in Malayalam. She said she keeps her script choices simple. “I listen to the narration, I like it, I do it. That’s all. I don’t overthink about whether it’s going to work. But I make sure it lets me grow as an actor,” she said.On working across three industries, she said the differences took time to navigate but no longer register. “Initially, I found it difficult to adapt to each industry’s work ethic. It took me a long time to realise that acting is acting. It’s just about which part of the country you are in.”Story continues below this adShe also confirmed that a Hindi film is on the way. “I have signed one project. While I cannot reveal much, it is going to be a cute rom-com story,” she said.Disclaimer: This article touches on themes of emotional distress and psychological wellbeing. Please note that it is not a substitute for professional mental health support. If you or someone you know is experiencing emotional distress or mental health challenges, professional help and support are available.