TikToker Holly (@hollyablair) recently shared a recurring incident that was one of the things that helped her realize she was in a relationship with a man she described as “evil.” She alleged to TikTok that her ex-partner would consistently withhold gifts for occasions by starting a fight just days before the event. She then told her 813K viewers how she eventually realized that the gifts likely never existed to begin with. In the video, the New York City resident recounted her perspective on her past relationship, something that hasn’t been verified. Holly claimed, “I used to date the world’s most evil man, and one thing you would do was withhold gifts from me. So, anniversaries, birthdays, Christmas. And how he would do this is, a couple days before the event happened, he would get in… start a big fight with me and then say I’m returning your gift. You don’t deserve it.” After the first few times, it happened again on their anniversary. He allegedly started a “huge fight” and told her that her gift was a “really good one too, but you know, you don’t deserve it.” Holly claimed that she asked him what the gift was and he refused to answer. “Why are you withholding it from me though?” He allegedly told her, “Because you don’t deserve it, and I’m trying to hurt you.” She didn’t let it go Holly told the community that she decided to press him for details to see if the item actually existed. She recalled telling him, “If you’re trying to hurt me, wouldn’t it hurt more if you told me what I was getting and showed me what I was getting so I knew like what I was missing out on.” According to Holly, he refused to provide details or show her the item. She then confronted him with what she saw as the truth. “I was like, so you actually didn’t buy me anything, and he was like, yes, I did. I’m just not gonna show you because that’s stupid,” she alleged. Then she noted that his excuses grew increasingly flimsy as she pushed. @hollyablair Evil, evil man#fyp #fypage ♬ original sound – Holly Holly told TikTok that he claimed he had already returned the gift. So she noted that she told him, “I’m like, but we just got into a fight today, so how did you send it back already?” She noted that he would “just like backtrack when I was catching him in these lies,” eventually claiming it hadn’t shipped yet. Her conclusion was simple: “I’m like, that’s not how this stuff works.” The pattern became predictable, so Holly tried something new. She alleged, “It even came to the point where, like, a couple days before, like, I would make sure like there was nothing for him to argue with me about to see what he would say. And he would still do it. He would still find a way to argue with me and withhold my gift cause I didn’t deserve it.” This kind of behavior is a classic example of intentional withholding. Per Psychology Today, this is a destructive behavior where a partner willfully disconnects and shuts down to punish the other, to make the partner feel isolated and disempowered. The piece notes that “keeping the other person in the dark is an effective control mechanism to invalidate power.” It explains that this behavior essentially erases the existence of the other partner, leaving them to struggle without validation. TikTok was largely shocked, with many users questioning why she remained in the relationship. One user wrote, “I would have dumped him after one time.” Another added, “Ummm the first time this happened he’d be gooooneeeee.” In a different instance, a farmer alleged that her parents guilted and coerced her into selling land with false promises. One user shared a similar experience: “Omg I experienced this!! He took my birthday holiday away from me after a fight! And took his friend instead and doesn’t think it’s cruel to this day he think it’s justified and it’s okay cause he was mad.” Recently, a nurse shared that her ex-husband allegedly controlled her by making things uncomfortable for her. Another viewer suggested a petty solution. They wrote, “I would have started buying things for myself, wrapped it up from him, and not got anything for him and then just open them in front of him and say ‘awww thanks baby, how did you know?'” According to Psychology Today, withholding behaviors often stem from childhood patterns where individuals felt powerless and used these tactics as a defense mechanism. Some couples manage to overcome these behaviors by choosing vulnerability over isolation. However, the article warns that “the cost of the disconnect becomes too high to pay” if the partner doesn’t realize the impact of their actions before it is too late.