Welcome to Rated and Slated, the column that is terminally online so you don’t have to be.Sometimes, I almost let myself believe that Timothée Chalamet is a normal person just like me. He gets overenthusiastic about team sports, enjoys wearing unflattering double denim outfits, inflicts his bad rapping on anyone who will listen…Then, I’m invariably served up a reminder of what a peculiar species the modern celebrity truly is. Case in point: this story about his girlfriend, Kylie Jenner, surprising him with a private IMAX screening of Interstellar for his birthday. Timothée Chalamet reveals Kylie Jenner surprised him with a private IMAX screening of Interstellar for his birthday“I was grumpy on the way there cause I didn't know where she was taking me. I was like, ‘This is my birthday, why are we driving 30 minutes outside of LA?’”“I… pic.twitter.com/g17DG52e4L— Jack (@Jackkk) June 16, 2026Personally, seeing my own face enlarged to the size of an apartment building is not how I typically like to celebrate another year around the sun. I don’t know what would be more haunting, the looming spectacle of my 18-year-old visage preserved in cinematic eternity, or the eerie glimpse into a future where I end up becoming Casey Affleck. In the same interview, little Timothée tells another delightful anecdote about how, on his final day of filming the 2014 space blockbuster, a huge floater was left in the toilet of his trailer by Matthew McConaughey (who sits there the whole time, laughing maniacally with his preternaturally white teeth) as some kind of deeply grotesque Texan souvenir.Timothée Chalamet reveals Matthew McConaughey took a shit in his trailer on his final day filming Interstellar“My last day on Interstellar I was very moved. I was sad to be leaving and I went in my trailer and I went in the bathroom and there was a huge turd in my toilet”“I… pic.twitter.com/Ilz2sRSrsH— Jack (@Jackkk) June 15, 2026So in the same spirit, here are a few stinking nuggets that the internet has dumped straight into my head this week. The filmset catering must be high in fibre, because there’s simply no flushing them out of the toilet bowl of my mind however hard I try. So instead I’m sharing them with you.ratedTOM HOLLAND AND ZENDAYA GETTING MARRIEDTom Holland confirms he and Zendaya are married.In response to the AI-generated wedding photos, Esquire UK asked him if he had to tell his family members they were fake, he responded: “No, because they were all there.”(https://t.co/wVaW99rTNO) pic.twitter.com/PQbfWIKMQI— Pop Base (@PopBase) June 16, 2026Tom Holland didn’t need to explain to his family members that AI-generated photos were fakes because they were there on the big day to see Zendaya’s father, a giant apple in a suit, walk her down the aisle where a humanoid strawberry priest was waiting to unite them in holy matrimony. ‘TRUE ARROGANCE’ pic.twitter.com/izlIi5cuDn— Jack FR (@FrayneJack34043) June 15, 2026Listen, Bob Dylan can do whatever the hell he wants, he’s an old king from a vanished country. And they simply didn’t have basic manners or a concept of “stagemanship” in his invisible kingdom.CASHING OUT YOUR PENSION EARLYYoung people could swap a year's state pension for £12,500 cash to get on property ladder under new proposal https://t.co/X4HBPfyhEj— Daily Mail (@DailyMail) June 10, 2026Hello, is that the British Government? Yes, I’d like to take my £12,500 and put it all on Curaçao winning the World Cup at 5000 to 1. When my bet comes in, I’ll buy the whole island and still have change. That’s right, you’re looking at the new King of Great Britain. SMOKING IN THE AGE OF AI View this post on Instagram David Hockney once famously turned up to a political conference holding a placard saying: “DEATH awaits you all even if you do smoke.” Writing for The Critic following his death last week, Victoria Comstock-Kershaw argues that the British artist always “insisted on doing exactly as he pleased—and his cigarettes were as much a part of his artistic philosophy as his paintbrush.” This is more than you can say for the mass of neurotic internet health optimizers. I wonder how many of them will make it to the age of 88? PLUGMOGGINGthe British plug brutally and completely mogs all other types of socket across the world and there isn't a close second https://t.co/qBIJDwwDjI— /// 𝙰 𝙽 𝙾 𝙳 𝚈 𝙽 𝙴 /// ✇ (@Vaporwave_07) June 14, 2026Sticking a fork into my U.S. socket and gigafrying myself with 120 volts of raw electricity in the name of good old American energymaxxing.NEW SLANGpic.twitter.com/3lzmtoaIZF— Ragebait (@dgramr) June 15, 2026You meet a beautiful stranger in a doctor’s waiting room who tells you to listen to this one song that’ll change your life, she hands you the headphones and this is what’s playing.SLEAZEPOP View this post on Instagram I predict we’ll be onto sleazegaze by the end of the month and, frankly, I cannot wait.slatedREAL OR CAKE?Happy 80th birthday Mr. President pic.twitter.com/kzURw8mNI2— Nicki Minaj (@NICKIMINAJ) June 15, 2026But seriously, if Nicki Minaj exploded out of a gigantic cake to sing “Happy Birthday, Mr. President” to an 80-year-old Donald Trump wearing nothing but a sash with his name on it then he would probably die (and not in the good way). USING POKÉMON GO TO TRAIN AN AI MODEL THAT MAY BE USED TO HELP US MILITARY DRONESPokémon Go player data was used to train an AI model that may be put to use helping US military drones and robots navigate war zones. The game awarded players points if they took a short video of them “scanning” certain points of interest as they walked around. In total, 30… pic.twitter.com/Eq4pTSequh— Novara Media (@novaramedia) June 14, 2026Team Rocket¹ gonna capture Pikachu².¹The combined military power of the United States and its strategic allies in the Middle East.²The Strait of Hormuz.TASTESLOPI enjoyed Emily's article about tasteslop (and appreciate the shoutout), but admit some of it went over my head. I also suspect that "tasteslop" as a term will spread and be used in ways totally unrelated to her framing, similar to "normcore." Can see that already in her comments https://t.co/qK8ATCAkLt— derek guy (@dieworkwear) June 16, 2026What if the real tasteslop wasn’t your gooseneck kettle or that copy of Butter by Asako Yuzuki or even those Margiela Tabi ballet flats, but actually the liquefied gruel pumped intravenously into your birth pod while electromagnetic transmissions fire through the headjack grafted onto the back of your skull, creating the illusion that every single object you own or piece of “content” you’ve ever consumed actually exists. ARMIE HAMMER’S COMEBACKDisgraced actor Armie Hammer making comeback in film with 'the world's worst director' who beat up critics https://t.co/UmKj1oLCnZ pic.twitter.com/kCsTX88aWr— New York Post (@nypost) June 15, 2026I’ll refrain from saying how I feel about this collaboration as I don’t want to be punched in the head.BEING ON THE ROAD A TONhow can this kind of illiterate crap make it into public pic.twitter.com/4OEEWvYr91— Andrew Elrod (@andrewelrod) June 14, 2026Everyone is so focused on whether this sentence from The New Yorker is or isn’t “illiterate crap“ that they’re missing the main point: people are actually paying good money to see Kurt Vile in 2026.MUSIC FOR SERVER FARMSJUST IN: Genesis AI unveils “Eno,” its industrial humanoid robot with no head or legs. pic.twitter.com/bAXst5ybP7— Polymarket (@Polymarket) June 16, 2026Eno the industrial humanoid robot doesn’t need legs or a head to make the most boring ambient music you’ve ever heard.THE RETURN OF MCDONALD’S FRIED APPLE PIEMcDonald’s is bringing back the Fried Apple Pie to celebrate America turning 250The classic dessert was phased out of the menu in the 90s, but will be back on June 23 pic.twitter.com/2II7KoNphA— Dexerto (@Dexerto) June 16, 2026Depending on your perspective, America is either the world’s richest third-world country or the most “based” nation on Earth. Either way, when it comes to the 250th anniversary of the United States, I’ll be celebrating with homemade apple pie (I’m going to put my dick in it). Follow Adam on Instagram @yungtolstoiThe post Things We Hate and Love Online This Week appeared first on VICE.