Broadly considered one of the greatest soccer players of all time, Argentina’s Lionel Messi set a new record as the top goalscorer in World Cup history. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the eight-time Ballon d’Or winner.Age: 39, minus stoppage timeFavorite Charity: Major League SoccerCatchphrase: “…”Net Worth: Can’t complainPre-Match Ritual: Eating a little grass to acclimate to the fieldLeast Favorite Part Of Sport: Having to kick the beautiful soccer ballsSpecial Talent: Can also use his feet to cookFavorite Thing About Miami: Starting over where nobody knows his nameGrandparents’ Activity During WW2: Hopefully just soccerSignature Celebration: Pointing to sky to thank a bird he sawThe post Player Profile: Lionel Messi appeared first on The Onion.