A Seattle woman says she realized she was unhappy in her marriage after 17 years together, according to an account she shared with People. Courtney Boyer, 43, said she eventually proposed opening up her marriage, a suggestion she described as the “most logical” solution at the time. Boyer said her husband’s initial reaction was negative. “He was disgusted,” she recalled. “I will never forget that face. He was like, ‘Absolutely not.'” Boyer, who has since published a memoir and shares her story on Instagram under the handle “The Mono Poly Couple,” said the couple’s relationship has changed significantly since that conversation. Boyer said she was raised in what she called the “purity culture” of the evangelical Christian church in a Seattle suburb. According to Boyer, she was taught to date only with the goal of finding a spouse, was encouraged to marry young, and did not view sex as something to be enjoyed, but rather as a “reward or a distraction.” “I experienced shame around most things about myself,” Boyer said. Boyer says she grew up in a religious household that shaped her early views on relationships Boyer said that for the first 15 years of her marriage, which began when she was 22, she focused on being what she called the “perfect Christian wife.” She said she had three children with her husband and described herself as his “ultimate cheerleader” during that period. However, Boyer said that in 2017, not long after her father died, she began to recognize she was unhappy. “I was really starting to burn out,” she said. “Man, I’m doing all of the ‘right things,’ and nothing is working. I feel drained. I don’t feel fulfilled. I feel disconnected from my husband and myself. And I’m starting to resent my kids.” According to Boyer, her family moved from the United States to a small town in Germany shortly before the COVID-19 pandemic began in 2020. She said she joined a local soccer team, a common activity in the area, and often played alongside male teammates who would flirt with her. Boyer said this was the first time she began wondering what it might be like to be with someone other than her husband, though she said she did not act on those feelings at the time. She said her husband later traveled for a work trip lasting seven months during the pandemic, leaving her isolated in Germany. Boyer said that when he returned, she decided to bring up the idea of changing their relationship, and asked him, “What if we had a threesome?” According to Boyer, she had some limited exposure to polyamory, which is broadly defined as having multiple romantic or sexual partners at the same time, during graduate school, where she studied education and human sexuality. She said some classmates at the time were queer or in throuples, though she said she did not initially see herself as interested in that kind of relationship. “I did have inklings of finding myself drawn to other men sexually and being interested, but I was like, ‘Oh, that’s adultery. You can’t act on that,'” Boyer said. Boyer said she ultimately concluded that she wanted to remain married and keep her family together, but also felt she needed to date another partner for the relationship to continue. “I don’t want to throw the baby out with the bathwater just because this area here isn’t getting met,” she said. “It was the most logical thing in my mind. I was like, ‘This is exactly what will save our marriage.'” Boyer said her husband did not initially agree, and that it took roughly five months of conversations, along with separate sessions with individual therapists, before he became open to the idea. She said the process involved what she called “incredibly raw conversations” about exclusivity in their relationship. Other couples have described similarly tense conversations about ending a marriage reshaping how they relate to each other. Boyer said that once her husband agreed, she found the transition into dating as a married woman difficult at first, partly because she had no prior experience with casual or online dating. She said some potential partners were also hesitant to commit to someone who was already married. According to Boyer, she has been in a relationship with a new partner, whom she met through a mutual friend, since January. She said the man lives in the United Kingdom and that the two see each other about once a month. Boyer told People that both her husband and the man’s wife are aware of the relationship. “His wife knows, obviously my husband knows, and it’s just really nourishing,” Boyer said. “It’s like having another best friend that you’re also sexually attracted to and you go on dates with.” Boyer described her husband, who she said remains monogamous, as now being supportive of their arrangement. “He just sees the difference in me when I get to be my most authentic self, and I think that’s really what it’s about,” she said. “It’s being safe enough to be in a relationship where you’re celebrated for being your most authentic self.” Unexpected shifts in a spouse’s outlook after a period of strain have also turned up in other accounts of marriages changing course shared online.