5 min readJul 8, 2026 07:17 PM IST First published on: Jul 8, 2026 at 07:17 PM ISTSBI has a new ad. I have multiple questions. The ad says, “Your child will study mechanical engineering and then start a yoga studio. Get ready for life’s surprises with long-term SIPs.” As a toddler parent, I love dreaming about a distant future involving an adult child, because I am definitely not ready for the surprises my two-year-old throws (sometimes literally) at me every hour. So I duly sat down and thought about long-term SIPs.The more I thought, the more it left me confused. Am I being asked to plan for my retirement years because the yoga-instructing child won’t be able to provide for me? Am I supposed to save so I can fund her yoga studio? Would the mechanical engineer have automatically been the provider type? Turning to the god of all things, the internet, for an answer, I searched ‘SBI mechanical engineer yoga ad’. Turns out, other insurance firms have similar offerings, and there is quite a conversation on the subject on X, Instagram, and LinkedIn. The disorienting difference in tone on the three platforms aside, some common threads emerged.AdvertisementAlso Read | She Said: Mother as I knew her, as I know herThere is the earnest “dignity and independence in your silver years” framing. There is the rather aggressive “spend on yourself, don’t leave a penny for these ingrates” framing. There is the sappy “be the wind beneath your children’s wings forever” framing. While I judge the overwrought tones, I get the sentiment.Where will you draw the line on spending money on your child, assuming money is neither unlimited nor so limited as to make such thought experiments unnecessary? Post-grad degree abroad? Destination wedding? Third start-up idea? Will you stop when it starts interfering with your own retirement planning?True to our generally confused ethos, millennial parents are a conflicted lot. We are overflowing with good intentions, but not quite sure where to direct them. Do we continue worshipping at the altar of duty, which our parents taught us was the supreme virtue? Or, do we #YOLO, and set an example of independence and self-fulfilment for our children?AdvertisementThe answer, I realise, is learnt early in parenthood. The same struggles you had about time when your kid was a baby will be repeated with money when they are older. Whatever worked for you then will work in the future.I tried being the martyr mom when my daughter was born. Every waking moment (and most moments were waking moments) was to be spent in her service, all activities of her choice, every recommendation of what is “best” for her to be followed, irrespective of the cost to me. Did not work out great. I was tired, yes. But more than that, I was resentful and bitter.Thankfully, I soon realised what my kid needed most of all was a happy mother. A mom who could summon genuine enthusiasm for playing with her, not just a sweaty sense of duty. Who wasn’t already making mental notes of “I gave up so much for you”.However, I do know friends for whom duty performed is the ultimate reward. Who can put up with all sorts of hardships as long as they are meeting the standard of “responsible and dutiful” they have set for themselves or inherited from their parents.The same approach works for money.Spend on your children till it doesn’t make you resentful. Spend on them till the point you can do so without expecting returns.Spend out of duty if it makes you happy, but remember, they have no obligation to feel the same sense of duty.Stop the day you start reminding them of how much you’ve spent. Don’t sacrifice for them if the sacrifice hangs over you in every conversation.Instead, tell them that you need to look after yourself too, and this is all the money you had for them. If that makes them resentful, that is for them to figure out. And you have to make peace with their resentment. Better to deal with someone else’s resentment in reasonable comfort than simmer yourself while also worrying about money.Our job is to educate them, equip them for the world, teach them how to make choices, and then stand back and watch them make those choices. If the choices go wrong, we can shelter them, nourish them till they feel brave enough to make new ones. Our job is not to fund the choices and then weigh them down with our expectations.I would much rather enrol in my kid’s yoga studio than fund an expensive mechanical engineering Master’s and expect her to pay for my medical expenses later.Yes, I will be a cushion for my child for as long as I am alive. But the cushion doesn’t have to be only financial. And it is my job to teach her that.The writer is senior assistant editor, The Indian Express. yashee.s@indianexpress.com