More than two dozen states are experiencing extreme heat. The Onion shares tips for keeping your home cool and comfortable amid record-breaking temperatures.Press a cold, damp towel against your home’s pulse points.Take contortionist classes until you can fit inside the freezer. Fire your gun in the air as a warning to the sun to back off.Get a nice cross breeze going by bulldozing a wall.Spend the bulk of your day in an even hotter location so that your house feels like a blast of frigid air when you get back. Ask your warmest roommate to move out.Spill the blood of a fat ox to appease the spirits who have cursed the land with unnatural heat.For quick relief, get an AC unit dropped on your head.It’s probably too late to suggest the concept of an earthen home built partially underground, isn’t it?Set your thermostat to 150 years ago.The post Tips For Cooling Your Home appeared first on The Onion.