5 years ago, I was a 14 year old student procrastinating online classes and ruining my academic reputation. My grandpa who lives with us got angry at me for being addicted to my phone to the extent that he even raised his voice and said mean words which he never even did to me before that happened. I was really a brat then. One day, he felt like going to the hospital and the doctors were talking about his kidney failure. I'm not certain what sickness it was but he was getting treatment (taking meds) for his kidney because he was having trouble walking and feeling stomach pains. One time, he was walking with his cane (which he never do as he can usually walk normally) to feed his chickens. I could see his knees trembling as he walked upward the slight slope. I could not remember if he did fall during that time or what but he was having trouble walking and i ignored him. I kept my gaze on my phone even when i saw him look at me too. I just thought he was never the type to ask for help and also because he didn't ask. Maybe because a little while ago, during the typhoon, while i was still asleep, my sister woke me up saying to get him water which i felt angry because why can't my sister be the one to do it. He told me then "if i become really sick, you wouldn't even take care of me?" I was stunned. I didn't know that the bottle water they were talking about was just below the bench i'm sleeping on. Maybe that incident made him not want to ask me for help. Maybe that's why he didn't do so when he was having trouble walking already. Then the next scenario i remember was him telling my parent that his stool had blood, i don't know if my mind is making the timeline up but this could be the same day when i didn't help him walk which i don't even remember if he fell or not. My mom brought him to the hospital wherein they found out that his initial kidney diagnosis was wrong and he actually had aortic aneurysm. I don't know if they saw blood in his stomach during that to eventually arrive at the diagnosis but i searched about it and it might have been herald blood which was a tear before an aneurysm ruptures. He was then rushed to the city hospital still fully conscious for 4 days. I did not know about the succeeding events during that moment but throughout the years the info i gathered was that the doctors did not proceed with the surgery first because they were trying to lower his creatinine before surgery which ultimately did not happen because he went into coma and was put on life support for 2 weeks and more days. He also was transferred blood on the third day before he lost consciousness. I didn't know that he was already in a coma before. I just kept waiting for news from my mom. I remember even thinking that the hospital bills were piling up because of him and it's better if the other thing happened. I don't know if it was an ocd (got diagnosed 3 years ago) intrusive thought because i remember dismssing myself immediately after thinking that but it did pass my mind. Today, i still regret everything. What if the tear in his aneurysm was caused by his angry outburst at me? or whenever i would slam the door and he'd hold his chest in surprise or maybe it was because i did not help him walk even if i can visibly see his knees trembling. Maybe he even fell during that time which could definitely cause the tear considering the day he passed blood seemed to be the same day. If the tear happened during that time, and the rupture was after 4 days while they were trying to lower his creatinine before he became brain dead (not sure but my cousin did mention that he was not in a coma but rather brain dead) for 2 weeks (from info i gathered), then i caused the tear that led to the rupture or maybe it was already ruptured after the fall if he did fell or the force he exerted as he walks upward the slope while his knees was visibly trembling and i did nothing. His creatinine being high could have been caused by the tear too which could be caused by the fall if the fall did happen or the force he exerted when i did not help him walk upward on the slope. I told no one in the family about this but for 5 years, I feel like a killer and if only i could turn myself to the police for this, i would do so at this very moment. edit: i also don't know why he was kept on life support then. i'm too scared to ask my parents because that might reveal my sin and i don't know what to do if they all hated me and no one would be left by my side   submitted by   /u/maashpotatoo [link]   [comments]