I know Reddit is not really the place to go to but I’m extremely confused right now and I don’t know what to do. (TW: possible sexual assault mention (I’m not sure that’s what I’m asking), suicide mentioned, overall very heavy topics) Context: I, 16F, recently broke up with my girlfriend, 17F (transfem / relevant). Shortly after the breakup for semi but mostly unrelated reasons I tried to kill myself, I have been dealing with a lot of derealization, depression, and have been completely dissociated almost all the time, often forgetting where I am and becoming confused and upset over like- everything (for context I’m also autistic). Ex and I had been friends for years then dated for 3 years and broke up just a bit ago and it is safe to say I am extremely codependent upon her Situation: Ex and I have been trying to work out a friendship but I have been wanting to peruse something still. Ex invited me to meet her in a private location to talk and hang out. She ended up kissing me but hating it and we were distant physically but still talking. At one point I am venting and not quite crying but obviously not present and she asks to make out. I say yes (I really wanted to feel close, I kept trying to get a hug or some sort of physical touch) and it progressed rapidly. As I am trying to talk to her as she kisses me she makes me start to jack her off. Eventually I am doing it on my own but mostly for her approval and attention. After the act she goes back to being distant and strange which makes me sob. A similar situation happened 2 days later where I was far more needy for touch (but was not suggesting sex). Both times I asked how she could do this and then say she doesn’t love me and she said she had an urge and then it left so she no longer wanted to touch me. I’m both of these situations I was confused and needy for attention. Now to why I’m questioning things. To me this just felt like she has been rude and hurt my feelings, but when I went to a friend for a advice (this being one of her friends, all of my friends basically say she has to die regardless of what happened so I wanted someone on her side) and this friend now hates her and does not want to be friends with her anymore and is extremely stressed for me. Everyone, including ex, has been telling me this is very serious but to me this just feels like we both made a mistake and I don’t know what to do. I still really want to be friends with ex, especially now that she feels lonely, but I’m not sure what is best. Pls help!! (Not proof read so if confusing lemme know pls   submitted by   /u/Hopeful_Bus8075   to   r/teenrelationships [link]   [comments]