EvgeniiAnd - stock.adobe.com Building a village as a parent is no easy feat. Between school pickups, extracurriculars, and bedtime routines, finding time to connect with other families takes serious effort. When one parent realized they were the only ones doing the hosting, they took to r/Parenting to ask if this one-sided dynamic is just the new normal. Here is the original thread: Our kids are in kindergarten and first grade. We host playdates for them, we invite a few of their friends, provide snacks for the parents and kids. Our kids however, are not invited to playdates themselves. Where do we go from here in terms of building community? In the comments, redditors are quick to offer reassurance, outlining the hidden reasons why other families might not be opening their doors. The anxiety of hosting Many commenters point out that a lack of invitations rarely has anything to do with the kids. From cluttered living rooms to over-excited pets, the pressure to maintain a perfect home keeps many families from wanting guests. Comment in r/Parenting Hosting can be intimidating for some families: living in a place without an outdoor space, having animals, or a parent who works from home can all deter people from hosting. We do a lot of park or out of the house playdates/ hangouts due to all the reasons above. Comment in r/Parenting I don't invite anyone but family over because my house is 130yrs old and it looks like a construction zone. Ppl don't really like hanging out around all that especially when they're used to all these perfect homes on social media. Comment in r/Parenting Hiiii I do host play dates but always at a park or something because my husband and I work full time, and I’m disabled, and honestly we are so behind on our house that I’m embarrassed to have anyone over. It’s fine, but it’s a cluttered mess after my mom dropped off a million boxes of ??? a couple years ago. I never care what someone else’s house looks like but I am very cognizant of the messes around me. I’m finally going part time soon so hopefully will be able to get caught up but with two parents working 40-50 hour weeks, I spend more of my free time with my kids than cleaning :/ Dropping the scorecard Other redditors urge the original poster to look at the bigger picture. Friendships and community bonds thrive when parents stop treating hospitality as a transactional requirement. Comment in r/Parenting I had a teacher once tell me to never keep score in friendships and that stuck with me for years and how I interacted with others. I know it can be frustrating to be the ones who are always hosting but honestly you just don’t know what other people have going on in their lives. I have a close friend now that I met through our daughters at day care. We have them over all the time. I’ve never been to their house. It’s been years. I don’t push it. I suspect that there is a reason and respect that they may tell me with time. Whether it’s they can’t afford it, don’t feel comfortable sharing their home with us, or that there is some sort of family dynamic that they aren’t ready to share with us. Until then, I invite them over and we meet at parks. Comment in r/Parenting I am that mom whose kids get invited occasionally and i never invite anyone over. I have a lot of reasons. I wish I was different and could handle it better, but I just can’t. I always hope the families aren’t upset by it. I do my best to almost always take my kids places when invited, but sometimes that is overwhelming for me. Comment in r/Parenting I don’t ever host because my husband works from home and I have two older dogs and I wouldn’t feel safe with other kids in the house. One is a curmudgeon and Velcro dog, so I can’t put her away. My husband can barely tolerate my 2 kids being home and working, so it’s just not possible to have playdates at the house. We do invite closer friends to the park etc. With community building, everyone has what they can give. Some people can host. Others always have extra snacks. Some are a really great listening ear. Some will play with ALL the kids at the playground. Others will bring their kids and be silently having a panic attack the whole time. Some parents are being physically or emotionally abused at home. Some are caretakers for the parents while also raising kids. Everyone has their things they bring and the things that hold them back. Community shouldn’t be transactional. Moving the meetup outdoors If the constant hosting becomes a burden, commenters suggest taking the pressure off everyone by relocating. A neutral, public space allows kids to play freely without someone needing to clean baseboards beforehand. Comment in r/Parenting This is us! We just keep inviting people to do stuff because our children love to be with their friends. Making memories for them. Try not to let it get to you about the reciprocating. People are busy and don't want to plan things/ host. You inviting people takes all the planning out of it for them. We mostly meet at the beach, playgrounds, park to ride bikes, farms. Rarely do we invite people to our home unless we know them well. Comment in r/Parenting For the kiddos who you have already hosted - go for playdates in a closeby park or something, no more inviting to your home unless you see some reciprocating. By the way, are there kids who live close by? Because kindergarten is an age where you can drop kids off at their friends' house for an hour or so without staying the whole time and this becomes a logistics headache if they don't live close by. Add working parents' schedules to this whole thing and it becomes too much for people to handle even though they are not exactly opposed to you. I would suggest meeting out somewhere outdoors the first few times with unfamiliar families so that the parents get to know you somewhat and you guys feel comfortable enough to hang out more. I planned something like this literally a few hours ago for my kid's bestie. She was missing her and asking for a playdate but that girl's mom didn't take up on my invite to drop her kid off at my place all this time once holidays had begun. So today I suggested a McD closeby that has an indoor playcenter for us to meet up in 2 days and she replied to my invite in 15 minutes! Comment in r/Parenting Normal nowadays. Continue to invite or propose meetups at the park, indoor playgrounds, etc. Its for your kids, not you. Once your kiddos finish elementary, playdates drop off, and my kids mostly hang out with a few besties. I know all my kids best friend's parents; some are good friends, others acquaintances. Navigating the landscape of childhood friendships naturally involves some trial and error, and it is clear that many modern households are stepping away from the traditional at-home playdate. But as redditors point out, an unreciprocated invite is rarely a snub. Stepping outside, dropping expectations, and focusing on the kids' enjoyment can make building that elusive village feel a lot less heavy. What would you do in this situation? Read the full story in r/Parenting, and find more conversations like this in r/Mommit, r/daddit, and r/family. This story highlights the perspectives of Reddit users, not Reddit, Inc. Some posts or comments may be lightly edited for clarity. Questions or concerns? Contact us at upvoted@reddit.com.