herryandbees - stock.adobe.com Raising a child with resources you never had growing up is a dream for many parents, but it comes with its own anxieties. In a thread on r/toddlers, one parent who grew up in a home of modest means shared their fear of raising a spoiled child after their 3-year-old expressed shock that a friend didn't have a backyard pool. The simple question started a thoughtful conversation about how to navigate wealth, privilege, and parenting. From letting kids experience friction to intentionally bursting their socioeconomic bubbles, redditors share their best advice for keeping privileged kids grounded. Being spoiled is about behavior, not money Redditors suggest it is important to separate a family's financial resources from a child's character. They argue that being spoiled is not about how many toys or vacations a kid has, but rather how they treat those around them. Comment in r/toddlers Spoiling is less about what you have and more about how you think about others. Teach your child to be kind, to share, to be generous, and not to look down on others. Teach him self-control, how to listen to other people, and respect for the world around him. Then he won’t grow up to be spoiled. Comment in r/toddlers This is it right here. My sister and I were “spoiled” in the way that we had a lot of stuff and were almost never told no when we wanted something. My mom grew up very very poor and I think it was her way of reliving her youth through us now that she had money. But we were also taught how to share, how to be kind and empathetic to others, etc. My parents never tolerated spoiled or entitled behavior. Comment in r/toddlers THIS. I went to uni with UBER wealthy kids, I am talking - they all went to Eton - very old money (their homes were literal castles in Scotland). Some of them were genuinely some of the kindest people i had ever met in my life to this day and could not care less about what my background was, this made me rethink everything I had previously thought about classes. The importance of hearing "no" Parents with means may have the urge to make their child's life as easy as possible. However, people are quick to point out that over-indulgence and removing all discomfort can accidentally foster a sense of entitlement. Comment in r/toddlers Make him work and don't give him everything he wants. You don't have to be rich to raise spoiled, entitled children. Kids who never hear 'no' and don't learn to pull their weight grow up spoiled, and it's much easier to spoil them than you think. Comment in r/toddlers Dr. Becky has a thing about this. It boils down to: make sure you're not removing all friction from their life. Don't "solve" their discomfort all the time with money, distraction, and overinvolvement. Make sure they have responsibilities not just for themselves but for their family and others. Comment in r/toddlers This, please! I work with kids in a mostly upper-middle class area and so many don’t know how to handle friction or discomfort and therefore have a terrible work ethic because mommy and daddy will just fix it. Life is not easy, everyone needs to learn that regardless of what physical items or experiences they might have. Bursting the socioeconomic bubble When a child only sees homes that look exactly like theirs, it is natural for them to assume everything is the same everywhere. To combat this, parents recommend actively exposing children to different ways of living to build greater social awareness. Comment in r/toddlers I think it's important to recognize that you're probably upper-middle class, not middle class. When you're in a homogenous area, it can seem like you're just average, but leave it and you'll find you're far better off than most, especially in the current economy. Make friends of all types if you can, but that's not always easy. And even if that does work out, you don't want to just use friends as a learning experience. So also, read diverse books and watch diverse TV shows. Visit libraries and playgrounds in different communities. Visit museums that can give him ideas of how others live, both in the past and now. When you travel, try to have a wide range of experiences, including where you go and what you do, so your kid gets to see a lot of different types of people and places - then talk about what's the same and different. Other tips: Make sure he learns to hear and accept "no," including to buying things or going places. Buy things secondhand. If he wants a new book, try thrift stores or libraries. When he gets older, use an allowance to help him understand how much things cost and how to save (and keep it low!). If there are things you outsource a lot, like getting groceries delivered, ordering food out, or cleaning, try to cut down on that - those are benefits of having money that can be totally invisible to kids. Take him to do errands and have him do (age-appropriate) chores. Make sure he learns that sometimes you have to do the boring things. Comment in r/toddlers I think telling and showing him how different people live in cities and towns, etc, showing various houses/apartments, condos to help explain that people leave in different types of dwellings and to normalise seeing that. And then teaching/practice sharing what he has with others could very valuable. Leaving childhood trauma in the past Some commenters note that parents who grew up without much money often project their own unresolved anxieties onto their children. They suggest taking a step back and realizing that enjoying a comfortable childhood does not automatically equal bad character. Comment in r/toddlers Just don't punish a child based on your fears of him being "spoiled " ( what does that even mean???). No kid should have to "earn" things so they can "learn" how hard it is to get them. Just model a good loving and kind person and he will follow your steps. Give him everything he needs and a bit more. There's nothing wrong in buying him expensive stuff, letting him be "privileged" in his homogeneous environment. He doesn't have to go to poor areas to see what is like. Why do that? Hes a child and soon enough he'll learn that the world is not all good. But until then just let him be a kid and enjoy a carefree youth. Comment in r/toddlers Thank you, so well said and what I was trying to say but couldn’t articulate. The world is cruel, we don’t need to be intentionally trying to show our kids all the bad stuff early on. They’ll learn soon enough. Like you said model kind and good behavior. But we as parents want better for our kids. Let them have their innocence for a little while. I had to grow up fast, I wouldn’t intentionally do that to my child to make them appreciate what they have. Comment in r/toddlers This might sound crazy but Bluey has episode about this that really resonates with me on this topic, and the way they describe spoiled is when nothing is special anymore. I think as long as some experiences/materials feel special, you’re never spoiled 🩷 Raising a kind and capable child requires intentional effort, regardless of the size of your bank account. While providing a great life for a family is a beautiful goal, teaching them appreciation is what truly makes those advantages meaningful. How would you handle this parenting dilemma? Read the full discussion in r/toddlers, and find more conversations like this in r/Parenting, r/daddit, and r/Mommit. This story highlights the perspectives of Reddit users, not Reddit, Inc. Some posts or comments may be lightly edited for clarity. Questions or concerns? Contact us at upvoted@reddit.com.