I think there would be signs...if not, divorce is an option-before the kids. Think sometimes perfect can be the enemy of good. Maybe my husband does not help domestically & I have had to find work arounds....but I can easily hire help or eat out if I choose. To me it is worth the trade off. Currently he works out of state 4d/w. We all have different priorities in life & finding someone who aligns with that is the key!!