If you’re active on social media, you likely have heard of the latest internet slang called the “performative man.” This describes a man who performs a certain personality with a specific set of values that earn him admiration from the public—but beneath the facade exists a totally different person. What Is a Performative Man?A performative man is someone who puts up a front for the public, typically portraying himself as a kindhearted, empathetic, and open-minded individual. However, behind closed doors, he’s actually the complete opposite.For example, let’s say you’re on a date with a man who claims to be a respectful “nice guy,” yet refers to every one of his exes as “crazy” and calls women demeaning names/terms. You might be fooled by his seemingly emotionally intelligent Instagram posts and socially aware TikTok videos, but really, he doesn’t uphold those values and morals in real life.“Some red flags of a ‘performative man’ include self-identifying as a progressive feminist in public while privately behaving in ways that directly oppose this statement, or confidently stating that they have done inner work and are capable of deep emotional maturity or vulnerability without actually exhibiting this in a meaningful way,” says Ariel Rosenbloom, a licensed IFS psychotherapist in Los Angeles who specializes in trauma and attachment.Of course, anyone—not just men—can be performative. This is common behavior in individuals who are seeking external approval and validation that can serve them in some way. “Men might put up this front to mask insecurities or deep feelings of shame,” Rosenbloom explains. “It can be a way to project an idealized version of themselves in order to ‘win’ women over initially.”In some cases, this isn’t done with malicious intent but rather with deep insecurity and a lack of self-awareness.“From an IFS perspective, a man acting in a performative way might have a part of themselves that is craving connection, validation, or intimacy,” says Rosenbloom. “This part might believe that the only way to get this is by being inauthentic or by forcing them to show up in a way that it deems will have the greatest likelihood of success. These parts tend to be deeply impacted by patriarchy, and I often work with men on disrupting these systems and beliefs in therapy.”How to Spot a Performative ManUnfortunately, it’s easy to get deceived by a performative man—or really any performative individual, as that’s their entire MO. However, if you pay close attention to whether their words match their actions, you might get a glimpse beneath the mask. Typically, genuine people don’t feel the need to impress others or highlight how “great” they are.“You can generally see through this facade when you sense someone has an agenda in the way they talk about their values, ideals, or emotional maturity,” Rosenbloom says. “Someone who intrinsically has these traits does not need to prove or push this onto others in an overt way. You might also notice feelings of confusion or a disconnect between what the person says and how your nervous system actually feels when you get close to them.”The post There’s a New Dating Red Flag All Over Social Media, and You’ve Probably Experienced It appeared first on VICE.