I am not sure what I want more. For people to NOT see this post so that I don't feel embarrassed or to feel a sense of release by finally admitting to myself that I am not okay. I wanted to be of help to everyone around me and started taking on responsibilities I had no business handling. I did it so much that I bled myself dry and then when that happened l just started taking out loans to cover up that lack. I do not regret helping my people but I wish I had admitted my limits and known to find other ways to help when I could no longer help financially or emotionally. This is something I will never tell them because I don't want them to feel responsible for my drowning at the moment, but since I cant afford therapy, I will tell the internet. One day, you will be scrolling on your phone and you will come across this post and hopefully I would've dug myself out of this rut and I will proudly tell you that I did it!! That one of the thousands of job applications I am sending finally called back and they gave me an offer that was beyond my wildest dreams. That I can now pay my rent without making excuses to my landlord for 3 weeks as I look for a loan shark I don't already owe. That I paid off all my debt and I now have my dream car and living in my dream house. Or you will comment to ask if I finally made it and I might never reply because I am in a place where phones don't exist. I have asked everyone I know for help and no one can help. Those who had anything to spare had like $10, my debt is large and it grows larger by the day, literally. I dread payday because all the loan sharks text me at the crack of dawn reminding me that its due date. I am about to be kicked out of my house in 3 days if I don't have 2 months worth of rent. My house has no food anymore and I know this weekend I will survive of popcorn and water. My underwear is torn and gets even more torn with every wash. Jesus I cant even afford dollar underwear anymore! I only have busfare for work until next week Wednesday. I am so tired and anxiety keeps me up until dawn. No one will probably even read this far but I am exhausted Lord. I can't even cry about this because I blame myself for overestimating my capabilities. A lesson has been learnt but I can't even afford retribution. I am tired. I am so so so tired.   submitted by   /u/Lee_1998_ [link]   [comments]