FLUSHING, NY—Asserting that it was the least the franchise could do to reward the loyal fanbase that had stuck with the team through so many ups and downs, local Mets fan Paul Sutera told reporters Friday that all he was asking for was one fucking season where they win every single game they play. “I’m not sure if it’s a coaching problem or mostly the players’ fault, but would it kill these goddamn deadbeats to go 162-0 once in their fucking lives?” asked the 42-year-old diehard, adding that it didn’t seem unreasonable to expect the Mets to get their shit together for once and string together a few months of baseball where they win every game by a huge margin, every pitcher throws multiple no-hitters, and they never once disappoint him in any way. “I mean, I’m not asking for the world here! I’ve been rooting for these bums since I was 4 years old, and I literally want one simple thing: for the Mets to just walk onto the field, hit 30 or 40 home runs every game, strike out all 27 opposing batters, play flawless defense, and never lose even one time—oh, and also win the World Series in four games with a combined score of 300-0. The fact that they can’t even be bothered to do that just shows they don’t give a shit about their fans.” At press time, Sutera conceded that he would be okay with the Mets losing eight or nine games each season as long as they won every World Series for the next 50 years.The post All Mets Fan Asking For Is One Fucking Season Where Team Wins Every Single Game appeared first on The Onion.