Welcome to the Jungle Movie Review & Rating: Finished reading the credit list above? Phew.All right, eyes here, as I tell you more. The intention, from the get go, is clear. Whistle up a massive cast, making the previous editions of the Welcome series seem positively sparse in comparison. Have it led by Akshay Kumar, currently riding his comedy wave. Concoct a plot line where anything goes. Get in a couple of leggy ladies, whose job is to swoon and be silly. And when all else fails, conjure up a CGI gorilla.Not going to bother sharing any other details because there are none. As befits such films, the premise is thinner than a wafer. A richie rich guy wants to make a flop film to pour black money down the drain, leading this bunch into a jungle where reel villains turn out to be real, and mayhem ensues.The trouble with going down the brain rot path is that it needs to be consistently rotting our brains at a fast pace. Remember David Dhawan, who worked at a time when there was no internet constantly telling us how to define pop culture, in his heyday? This Welcome, groaning under the presence of all the heavyweights, lumbers about, giving us time to think. Where are the zippy writers when you need them?And that, straight up, is the problem. It just isn’t madcap enough. For that the writing needs to be smart and self-aware, and the only time it is that is when it is parodying big bad Bollywood. There are, haha, swipes at Akshay’s long streak of flops, before his return to broad comedy; producers working hard to cook the books have been an urban legend; there’s even a jibe at stars and their obsession about vanity vans, which has a meta touch: how many such vans would the sets of this movie have housed at one time?Also read | Welcome to the Jungle Movie Review and Release LIVE UpdatesThose who enjoy these things will note the mini reunions of the cast from many yesteryear hits, including the previous editions of the Weclome series. Akshay, Suniel Shetty and Paresh Rawal from Hera Pheri, as well as many of those who made their names with Mahabharat and Border. A village square is very Sholay-like, as are the horse-riding baddies. Other references abound: Raveena Tandon’s character will remind you of Rakhee from Karan Arjun (two characters in this one are named thus), while doing a little nudge-wink moment with Akshay; Jackie Shroff’s kohl-eyed, flowy-locked baddie is nothing but a version of Akshaye Khanna in Dhurandhar, which has already turned into an urban legend, given how often it’s mentioned.Alert viewers will also note that the film is nothing but desi take of the 2008 Tropic Thunder, in which Ben Stiller and co had sent up the rah-rah Vietnam movies Hollywood loved churning out, as well as the celebrity worship of its time: in that one, a fading Hollywood star was aiming for lost glory, and that’s what a Bollywood star is doing here.Story continues below this adBut the jabs in Ahmed Khan’s film land softly: anything harder would be impossible in an industry full of fragile egos, even if it has no problem making fun of disability, knowing people will laugh. And they did, in my show, with Farida Jalal’s old lady’s stammer becoming a nudge. Ugh. Stuffing your film with a large ensemble, without giving them enough to work with, results even in fine actors like Arshad Warsi floundering. Also, a woman’s waist is not where you first train your camera in her introduction scene. Double ugh.Watch Welcome to the Jungle Movie trailer here:And given our times, a dose of patriotism even in brainless comedies seems to have become non-negotiable. A strong streak of let’s-save-India-from-the-mujahideens colours the anti-Bajrangi Bhaijaan second half: that little girl who has lost her voice finds it when she is safe in India, having left her terrorist-ridden border POK village behind. An elderly man (Kiran Kumar) speaks in high-falutin’ Urdu that no one understands: why spare a language which is consistently being invisibilised? Not funny.The film ends with plastering the screen with a single star from an unknown critic, haha, and an announcement of it having become a hit. Wishful thinking? Or brain-rot zindabad, because when nothing else around us is making sense, why should our brains have to do any work? But how much lower can your low hanging fruit go? Daler Mehndi’s big scene involves a bullet and a bum. Sigh.Me, I don’t have any problem with dimaag occasionally being turned into dahi when I’m at such movies, because that’s the ask. Just don’t bore me.Story continues below this adWelcome To The Jungle movie cast: Akshay Kumar, Suniel Shetty, Jackie Shroff, Jacqueline Fernandes, Disha Patani, Arshad Warsi, Raveena Tandon, Farida Jalal, Tusshar Kapoor, Paresh Rawal, Lara Dutta, Johnny Lever, Rajpal Yadav Urvashi Rautela, Yashpal Sharma, Shreyas Talpade, Aftab Shivadasni, Mukesh Tiwari, Zakir Hussain, Sudesh Berry, Puneet Issar, Kiran Kumar, Krushna Abhishek, Kiku Sharda, Daler Mehndi, Vindu Dara SinghWelcome To The Jungle movie director: Ahmed KhanWelcome To The Jungle movie rating: 1.5 stars