Nothing describes how I feel about this job better. I don’t even know where to start. I’ve only been a nurse for a little over a year but feel like I’ve aged ten in that time, both mentally and physically. My emotional regulation is ruined. I have constant brain fog. I’m always tired. I have body aches and back pain at 23. Bedside nursing is literal hell on earth. I try thinking of one thing I actually like about the job and nothing comes to mind. I can’t even remember why I chose this in the first place, just that I liked pathophysiology and didn’t want to take the long road of becoming a doctor, which is what I wish I would’ve just done. Just thinking about walking into the unit, getting report, and seeing the patients makes me want to throw up. I hate being with the patient for 12 hours, especially when they’re rude or ungrateful. I hate confused patients who are sundowning. I hate answering call lights. I hate being constantly understaffed. I hate being the middle man for everything because no one can communicate with each other. I hate being constantly needed. I hate passing meds. I hate cleaning up patients. I hate feeling like a glorified adult babysitter. I hate walking into work and not knowing how the night is going to go. I could go on and on but you get the idea. I’ve recently gone part time, and while that helped a little with the exhaustion, it hasn’t helped with the burnout. I still dread going back to work, even on days off. It used to be only feeling dread to the day of work, to the day before, and now it’s constant. A constant dark cloud over my head. Whenever I do something I would normally enjoy, I think “I would be enjoying this so much more if I didn’t have to go back to work”. I hate everyone who lied to me telling me how “fulfilling” nursing is. This job has taken everything from me and given nothing in return except for anxiety and anger issues. And oh my god, I haven’t felt anger like this since I was fourteen. The smallest things annoy me. When someone drives too slow I’m yelling in my car. When my neighbors are too loud I’m throwing things at the wall/ceiling. When something pisses me off at work (which happens all the time) I’m going in the bathroom and punching the wall (I’m not super strong so I end up doing more damage to myself). And if it’s not anger, I’m crying. I cry before work, on the drive to work, when I think about going back to work. I was never a crier, and I never cried as much as I have the last couple months. I wish I had never gone into nursing, or healthcare in general. It’s my biggest regret in life. I wish I never knew how sick people could become. I’m certainly traumatized by the things I’ve seen and experienced. There was a time last month where I seriously considered breaking my arm somehow so I could have a few months off from my unit. I was going to go full speed on my skateboard and head straight for a crack or a rock. My friend let me know how crazy I sounded. Before anyone asks, I’ve already tried applying to outpatient/nonbedside jobs. I’ve sent in dozens of applications, all either ghosted or rejected. They all want 3-5 years of experience, and they all want experience in either their own specialty or ICU or ED. Anything else is just cosmetic to them. At this point, I’d rather take a minimum wage job than be a nurse. I decided I’m quitting next month, whether I get a job offer or not. I know quitting without a backup plan is stupid, and everyone says it’s a bad idea and I agree with them, but I can’t do this anymore. For my own sake and for the patients’ sake. My family won’t understand, but they never will. No one outside of healthcare understands how much it sucks, no matter how many times you try to explain it to them. I’m writing this partly to rant, and partly as a reminder to how much I hate nursing, in case I ever forget and want to come back. TL;DR I fucking hate everything about nursing and am quitting next month no matter what, writing this to remind myself how much I hate it so I never try to come back.   submitted by   /u/vampyorchids [link]   [comments]