I'm 18M (INTJ-A if it helps), and this year was pretty bad for me from the start, and I'm exhausted now. I'm a student founder, and I've tried multiple projects, all ended with $0. I had a LOT of friends at some point in my life, and now I have no one irl. I'm hit with waves of failures that I can't tell. I have an education loan of almost $24k, which will be $30k by the end of my graduation. I got an F grade in one subject in the 2nd semester (last sem) because I was focusing too much on my projects, so I was unable to focus on my studies, and I don't like studying too, I like entrepreneurship. I had a guy friend (online), and I was already going through a lot over the past 2 months, and I called him because my exams ended, but there was a change in his tone of voice, and I was also noticing a pattern that he stopped reacting to my reels and stopped sending as well. I tried to call him, he didn't pick up. After a couple of hours, he called me and barely talked for 2 min, said he would call back, but he didn't. I tried to call him again, he didn't pick up the call. I messaged him to ask why he wasn't picking up my calls, he said he was busy. And I'm sure it's over now. He never behaved like this before. Now, I have almost zero real friends, neither offline nor online. I've tried to make some online friends, but either they ghost, dry texter or smth happens that just ended the conversation. Today, I DMed a girl, and we talked, but then when I asked if she wanted to be my friend, she didn't give me any answer, and for that I guilt-tripped her while my feelings were valid, but my framing of the message was wrong. I didn't mean to guilt-trip her, but I was already carrying a LOT, and I can't handle a basic rejection, and now I'm ashamed of my behaviour. I will not say that I wasted this year, this year made me super resilient, taught me a lot of things about life, but idk what to do with this thing. My grades are terrible, it's 5.79 CGPA (2.32 GPA). I have a backlog. I have 0 genuine friends with whom I can share or vent my pain. My startups failed, all of them. I worked 16 hours a day, slept at 3-4 AM, sometimes 5 AM, while working on my startups, and yet, nothing. Online friendships don't last because of lack of shared contex, can't make IRL friends because they all are fake people. I've never been in a relationship, never been someone's best friend, never been someone's first choice, and here I am at my breaking point. I don't even know how to feel chosen, because nobody wants me, and I really wish I had a life like other teens, normal friendships, relationships, joy, just a normal life. And I'm a hyper-independent person because in my childhood people mocked me for the things that I can't change, like my height or my eating habits (I'm a slow eater), and my parents didn't even defend me. I had no one I could cry to in my childhood. I cried in locked rooms, and... I'm out of words now. I'm not a person who is going to give up, but I wish someone was there to share my pain, but nope. Sorry for the vent, and thanks for reading.   submitted by   /u/UndefinedCurve   to   r/TrueOffMyChest [link]   [comments]