I’ve battled obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) since childhood, and I truly do not know life without this disorder. The ego-dystonic intrusive thoughts, the debilitating rumination, the time-consuming compulsions—they pretty much defined my youth.In adulthood, I have a better handle on the symptoms and a deeper understanding of how to manage the disorder. In fact, I’ve even used it to my advantage at times.I’d never rebrand the mental health condition as a “superpower” or even dismiss it as a mere nuisance. OCD is among the top 10 most debilitating illnesses, including both physical and mental health conditions. Often, it’s a living hell that sabotages life’s most precious blessings.However, I find no empowerment in admitting defeat against this disorder. With the right approach (and necessary treatment, like therapy and medication), I’ve been able to view my mental health through a more rose-colored lens.In honor of OCD Awareness Month, rather than focusing on the obvious downsides of this disorder, here are five ways my OCD has actually helped me.1. It Fuels My CreativityI have a love-hate relationship with the whole “tortured artists” trope, mainly because I don’t believe you need to suffer to create quality art. But at the same time, I’d be lying if I said the emotional torment of OCD hasn’t lit a fire under me. In fact, it drove my first novel, which follows a teenage girl battling the disorder.Additionally, it’s inspired much of my poetry, prose, and Substack content. Writing has become an outlet for me, a way to transmute my inner chaos into creative pleasure. Without my OCD, I’m not sure I’d have felt that same burning passion for my art.This is in no way meant to glorify OCD or mental illness in general, but rather to prove that you can make something beautiful out of it.2. It Strengthens My EmpathyOne of my favorite qualities is empathy: the ability to feel others’ emotions and understand their perspectives, even when they differ from your own. When you live with such a debilitating and torturous disorder, it’s hard not to show grace to others when they’re struggling. Many of us with OCD know what it’s like to feel isolated, terrorized, and ashamed. I can usually sense when that’s the case and quickly offer help and support.The most common compliment I receive is that I make others feel safe, heard, and understood. I’m not sure I would emulate that same warmth and inclusive energy if I hadn’t been through hell and back myself.3. It Deepens My ConnectionsI won’t use this article to air out my disturbing intrusive thoughts, but I will say that with me, no conversation or topic is off the table or TMI. Trust me when I say I’ve seen it all (in my own head) and understand that we are not defined by our thoughts. My loved ones know they can vent to me without judgment, and this has deepened my connections. In my relationships, I value emotional safety, depth, and authenticity over more surface-level qualities.4. It Feeds My GratitudeThose with OCD know just how dark and dreadful life can feel sometimes, especially in the midst of an episode. But when my nervous system settles and the obsessive thoughts clear, I feel a strong sense of gratitude for the seemingly “little things.” Walking through nature, reading a good book at the coffee shop, grabbing dinner with friends downtown, cuddling with my boyfriend, writing poetry…I rarely take these precious moments for granted.5. It Builds My ResilienceThose with OCD are some of the most resilient humans I’ve ever met, because we are living in true agony most days. All the while, we’re expected to go to school and/or work, maintain a healthy routine, eat well, socialize, show up for loved ones, etc., even as our brains plague us with the most terrifying, pressing “what-ifs.”Learning to sit with extreme mental discomfort and uncertainty is one of the most effective ways to cope with OCD, and it requires incredible fortitude. Because I’m so used to managing my OCD, I can channel that same strength and courage to other areas of my life. My resilience has led me through some of the darkest times I’ve endured, and I only get stronger each day.The post 5 Ways Living With OCD Has Shaped Me for the Better appeared first on VICE.