And I know how fucking neurotic and stupid that sounds. Especially coming from someone who should be grateful for being found attractive in anyway and being told so, and who probably doesn't even have an attractive personality to begin with. I hate myself for feeling that way, I have the self awareness to acknowledge that but not the maturity to even want to change it. But truly, does nobody else feel that way? Like obviously, I'm not just going around lashing out at people whenever they tell me they like x about me or that I did y, that's of course nice to hear from people in everyday contexts. But the idea that if I ever wanted to be seen in a romantic light, it could only be for my personality and not my body or face just causes me deep, deep angst. I get that people generally want to be loved for who they are rather than something beyond their control. I get that people can find somebody's appearance attractive after finding their personality attractive (which I would hate just as much if it were the only way for somebody to see me in a romantic light. And for the purpose of this post is essentially the same topic) but if I ever had a romantic partner, I would crave that they genuinely found at least one feature about my body or face attractive in its own right, not related to how they perceived my personality prior but just as is, just as a physical reaction to how my body looks. What's even the romantic part about liking someone's personality and not/before their appearance? What the hell is the difference from just being friends with that person? I like my friends and family but it's never going to make me see them any differently physically, or in a romantic light, obviously. What do people even mean by that and why can't I experience romantic attraction the same way? It makes me feel like people who say things like that are lying and I hate assuming they'd lie about something like that I get that looks fade and there'd have to be more to a person for them to maintain a relationship, but I'd love for at least a portion of any possible romantic relationship I could be in to have a phase and the memory afterwards of mutual physical admiration and desirability. And why don't people ever bring up how personality is also as subject to change as looks are. Plus there's only so much an 'ugly' person can do to change their appearance, but the ways in which an attractive person can grow and develop their personality is just as open ended and limitless as anyone else's. Does nobody else except ugly incels like myself feel that way? Am I just deeply depraved and fundamentally misguided on what romance is and should feel like?   submitted by   /u/Plsdntfindoutwhoiam2   to   r/IncelExit [link]   [comments]