WASHINGTON—Mashing their faces together as he produced loud smooching sounds, President Donald Trump made figurines of himself and his daughter Ivanka Trump kiss in a model of his under-construction White House ballroom, reports confirmed Thursday. According to sources, Trump raised the pitch of his voice and said, “Such a splendid ballroom, Daddy! Let us dance!” as he pressed the figurines into each other at the waist and whirled them around the checkered marble floor. Continuing in his approximation of his daughter’s voice, Trump reportedly said, “You’re so manly and strong, Daddy! Don’t tell Jared, but I want you! I want to hump you now!” He was then seen flipping the figurines into a horizontal position and furiously rubbing them against each other. Sources said Trump began sobbing when Ivanka’s head popped off but recovered shortly thereafter and tossed her into the same shoebox as his Ivana Trump figurine.The post Trump Makes Figurines Of Himself, Ivanka Kiss In Miniature Ballroom Model appeared first on The Onion.