SUMMIT, NJ—In a surprise attack of astonishing brutality, oral cavity sources confirmed Thursday that the Listerine inside a local mouth was leaving 0.1% of germs alive in order to spread a message of terror throughout the microbial community. “The mouthwash killed my entire colony and then told me to bear witness to the horrors I saw today,” said a rod-shaped Porphyromonas gingivalis, adding that its cell wall was nearly dissolved when suddenly the 20 milliliters of antiseptic liquid retreated, leaving the bacterium with severe but nonfatal injuries. “The Listerine viciously wiped out our entire community. There was nothing left but a wasteland covered in piles of dead cell membranes. It laughed and told us that even God fears the minty power of Listerine.” Sources later refused to verify rumors that shell-shocked survivors had taken refuge inside a decayed tooth.The post Listerine Leaves 0.1% Of Germs Alive To Spread Message Of Terror Throughout Microbial Community appeared first on The Onion.