christopher lemercier/UnsplashYou’re trying to be a supportive, empathetic friend. You listen as they outline significant challenges in their life. Maybe they’re feeling low or stressed, or there’s tension at home or in relationships. You’ve heard it’s best not to jump in with solutions, or try to “fix” anything, and instead just listen without judging them.But sometimes, the same conversation repeats, the weight doesn’t lift, and the lines between support and responsibility begin to blur. So when does being a good friend mean gently suggesting more structured help – such as therapy with a psychologist or a mental health professional?How do you know it’s time?Listening to your friend talking about their problems, without judging them, creates a sense of psychological safety. It helps them feel they can speak honestly without being evaluated, corrected or dismissed. Being heard in this way by a friend can itself be deeply validating. This can help someone feel more comfortable to seek professional help.However, there may be a time where listening is not enough, and over time, your concern begins to grow. You might notice your friend’s situation is worsening, or their wellbeing – or that of those around them – is being affected. They may be relying on unhealthy coping strategies, such as increased alcohol use, struggling with sleep, or facing serious consequences such as losing their job.Or you might notice the intensity or the frequency of the problem and/or its impact increasing. If the emotional weight of conversations becomes heavier, more frequent, or more urgent, it may signal deeper distress so may warrant more specialised, professional intervention.Then there’s the impact of these conversations on you. If you feel overwhelmed, drained, start to avoid your friend, or dread these conversations, it may be time to encourage them to seek professional help. This is also the case if you’re feeling out of your depth and at a loss about how best to respond to your friend. What do I say?One way is to think in three stages. These provide a structure that keeps the conversation supportive while gradually opening the door to something more.1. ValidateShow you’ve truly heard and understood your friend. You might say, “That sounds really exhausting. I can see why you’re feeling overwhelmed”, or “You’ve been dealing with a lot lately. It makes sense this is affecting you”.2. Show concernThen you can gently share your concern. This involves shifting from simply listening to naming what you’ve been noticing, without criticism or judgement. You might say, “I’ve been thinking about what you’ve been going through, and I’m a bit worried about how much it’s been affecting you”, or “I’ve noticed this has been coming up a lot and seems really heavy for you”. Framing your words around your own observations (such as using phrases like “I’ve noticed” or “I feel”) helps keep the conversation open and avoids making your friend feel judged.3. Therapy as supportThe next step is to introduce therapy as a form of support, rather than something you are imposing. It’s important to position it as an additional layer of help, not a replacement for your friendship. You might say, “Have you ever thought about talking to someone professionally about this?” or “I wonder if having someone trained to support you through this might help in a different way”. You could also acknowledge your limits by saying, “You deserve more support than just what I can give, and someone who’s really equipped to help with this”. Using tentative language such as “might”, “wonder” or “have you thought about” helps keep the tone collaborative and non-forceful.It can also help to normalise therapy and reduce any sense of stigma around it. People are often more open to the idea when it feels ordinary rather than extreme. You might frame it in terms such as, “A lot of people find it helpful to have a space like that”, or “It’s not about something being wrong with you, it’s just having support to work things through”. This helps shift therapy from something daunting to something accessible.Sometimes your friend may be willing to seek more support but might be overwhelmed or uncertain about where to start. Gentle offers such as, “If you ever wanted to look into it, I could help you find someone,” or “I’d be happy to sit with you while you book something, if that makes it easier” can lower that barrier while still respecting their autonomy.What if it backfires?If your friend is hesitant or resistant, don’t push too hard. Instead, keep the door open while maintaining the relationship. You might respond with, “That’s completely OK. I just thought I’d mention it because I care”. This reassures them your support isn’t conditional on their response.Finally, there may be times when you need to acknowledge your own limits. Being honest about this can actually strengthen the conversation, as long as it’s done with care. You might say, “I really want to keep supporting you, but I’m also feeling a bit out of my depth with this”, or “I care about you a lot, and I think this might be something bigger than I can help with on my own.” In this way, setting a boundary becomes another form of care for your friend and for you.Glen Hosking does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.