DUBAI—Rubbing at his eyes carefully with one hand and murmuring “shit” under his breath as he watched one of his slippers tumble toward the ground over 500 meters below, actor Tom Cruise reportedly woke up Wednesday while sleep-climbing the Burj Khalifa. “Oh, no, not this again,” said Cruise, who tightened his grip on the exterior of the skyscraper and then used his feet to bang on the window as hard as he could in a futile bid to attract the attention of a vacuuming custodian. “Hey! Hello! Can you hear me? Let me in! Oh, well. This certainly explains the dream I was having about being a tiny little ant scaling the leg of a picnic table. At least I have pajamas on this time.” At press time, Cruise was scanning the horizon for landing airplanes in the hopes he could jump onto a wing and hitch a ride back to the ground. The post Tom Cruise Wakes Up Sleep-Climbing Burj Khalifa appeared first on The Onion.