As if spermmaxxing wasn’t enough, one man’s unhinged tweet is lowkey promoting… p*ssymaxxxing? Biohacker Bryan Johnson, the man obsessed with living (and looking young) longer, decided to inform the internet that he just gave his wife head.“Just gave Kate oral sex, everyone. Goodnight, everyone.” As if that wasn’t enough information, his overshare continued: “This is her vaginal microbiome report. 100/100 score. Top 1% of all vaginas.” Naturally, the entire platform started trolling his ridiculous tweet and mindset. If it’s not obvious why… women have enough to obsess over. Ranking our partners via their vaginal microbiome? Seems rather ridiculous. Outside of this tweet, Johnson spends his time working on “Don’t Die,” a company and now book, that teaches you “how to be healthy, for free.” Now you see why we don’t want him anywhere near our vaginas?Oh, and the trolling is just as hilarious as you’d assume. He said my girl’s pussy is the most edible out there. He said he’s eating Wagyu pussy, grass fed, free range https://t.co/QG3FlKjpXg— Poe's Law, Esq: Poe's Lawyer (@dyingscribe) April 30, 2026He continued, “The lab found nothing bad to report. (no Gardnerella, Candida, STIs, opportunistic pathogens, aerobic vaginitis markers, etc.).” This is her vaginal microbiome report. 100/100 score. Top 1% of all vaginas. Her sample is dominated by the single most protective bacterial species a vagina can host (Lactobacillus crispatus). Only about 25-30% of reproductive age women globally are L. crispatus-dominant,… pic.twitter.com/Pt1JbKM5y0— Bryan Johnson (@bryan_johnson) April 30, 2026Ladies I’m generating fake microbiome reports to put on your hinge profile $10 a pop . Recommending 98 percentile for believability— annie (@soychotic) April 30, 2026Now, p*ssymaxxing isn’t a legit term — yet. But it’s what we’re calling the unhinged desire to optimize your vaginal and intimate health, just as men have explored with spermmaxxing and looksmaxxing. The only problem is that a male partner is initiating this conversation, and given Johnson’s history, we don’t need his science tarnishing the vagina. Respectfully. Instead of falling into the shame spiral that most have embraced with sperm and looksmaxxing, the timeline rightfully pivoted to a joke. But it’s also a good time to point out that one: The shame spiral should be avoided at all costs. And two: The vagina does deserve deeply intimate research and care.If this is your first time hearing about the vaginal microbiome, a 2021 study cites it as “an intricate and dynamic microecosystem that constantly undergoes fluctuations during the female menstrual cycle and the woman’s entire life.” For example, ever had bacterial vaginosis? That’s a sign that your vaginal microbiome and its ecosystem are disrupted. Brands like Evvy specialize in delivering effective vaginal healthcare, specifically so that women’s health doesn’t feel like a mystery. (Did you know that women’s health wasn’t clinically studied until 1993? And only because they were forced to.)(opens in a new window)Evvy Vaginal Microbiome Test(opens in a new window)$159 at EvvyBuy Now(opens in a new window)So… this man on Twitter speaking about his wife’s cooch like it’s an Omakase dinner is rather dehumanizing. As the brand shared in its deep dive of women’s health and how it’s been treated like a mystery, “Although you may have never heard of the vaginal microbiome, it plays a major role in your reproductive — and overall — health.” Instead of pitting partners’ p*ssies against each other, you should be encouraging healthy microbiomes because a disrupted microbiome is associated with everything from STIs to infertility. Evvy’s Vaginal Microbiome Test was born out of frustration. There’s a lack of women’s clinical health research, and brands are telling you what the best options are. How to use Evvy’s Vaginal Microbiome TestTo use Evvy’s kit, you swab the inside of your vagina using the swab provided, send it to their lab, and in 7-10 days, you’ll receive a personal report and test results via the app. You can add STI testing for a fee, too. From there, you follow your personalized plan provided by Evvy’s team of scientists and doctors — not Bryan Johnson’s pussy propaganda.You swab once, and it tests for over 700 vaginal bacteria and fungi, like the ever-persistent bacterial vaginosis and yeast infections. Essentially, the test gives you actionable steps to care for your vaginal microbiome instead of spending your time begging your provider to listen to your very valid concerns. (Seriously, why is medical gaslighting so common??) Speaking of medical gaslighting, running tests like these at-home allows you to keep a documented journey of your microbiome and general health. It’s rather hard to gaslight someone when they have a full panel on hand to support their cries.Bottom LineBasically, ignore Johnson’s strangely deep desire to share his wife’s top 1% p*ssy and focus on your own vaginal health. Your microbiome can affect so much of your internal health, so falling into the shame spiral of p*ssymaxxing led by a man’s love of competition is not the way to go. It’s giving.. sexual wellness brainrot if that were an official term.If you’re interested in exploring your vaginal microbiome, we repeat: Twitter is not the place to go. Science-backed platforms like Evvy aim to ditch the confusion of the medical industry and give you what truly matters: the inner workings of your own cooter. Use it as a tool to your own advantage when tackling tricky imbalances like BV and to support your concerns you’re sharing with your medical provider.The post There’s an At-Home Test For That: Women Can ‘Biohack’ Their Vaginas Now appeared first on VICE.