Modern dating vocabulary keeps expanding, and the latest term catching attention is ‘seagulling’ — a behaviour in which someone keeps another person emotionally close despite having little or no real romantic interest in them.Much like seagulls swooping in to grab food simply so nobody else can have it, the term describes people who continue giving mixed signals, attention, or occasional affection, mainly to stop someone else from moving on or finding a healthier connection. While the relationship may appear active on the surface, there is often no real intention of commitment or emotional investment underneath it.Seagulling can show up in several ways. Sometimes, the person continues going on dates or sending occasional messages just enough to keep hope alive, without ever moving the relationship forward. In other cases, they may offer emotional breadcrumbs in the form of compliments, small gestures, or intermittent attention, while simultaneously discouraging others from getting close.The behaviour can even continue after a breakup, where someone who has emotionally checked out remains present in a former partner’s life, making it difficult for them to fully heal or move on. At its core, the dynamic is less about love and more about control, comfort, validation, or possessiveness.DISCLAIMER: This article is based on information from the public domain and/or the experts we spoke to. Always consult your health practitioner before starting any routine.To explore this further, we spoke with an expert.Psychological factors driving ‘seagulling’ behaviourSonal Khangarot, licensed rehabilitation counsellor and psychotherapist, The Answer Room, tells indianexpress.com, “’Seagulling’ behaviour in modern dating often stems from a mix of emotional insecurity, validation-seeking, fear of loneliness, and avoidance of true commitment.”In today’s dating culture, people can keep multiple emotional connections active with minimal effort. For some, the expert mentions that it creates a sense of control, ego reinforcement, or emotional backup. Others struggle with attachment issues and want closeness without responsibility or vulnerability.Story continues below this ad“Psychologically, this can leave the other person feeling confused, emotionally suspended, and questioning their worth. Healthy relationships require consistency, clarity, and accountability. Emotional availability without intention can become emotionally exploitative, even if it is not always consciously malicious,” states the expert.Relationship that is naturally progressing slowly vs. one where you are being emotionally ‘kept on hold’A relationship progressing slowly usually still carries clarity, consistency, and emotional effort. Khangarot notes, “Even if commitment takes time, both people communicate openly, show genuine curiosity about each other’s lives, make plans, and gradually build trust and emotional intimacy. There is movement, even if it is slow. The person’s actions and words largely align, and you do not constantly feel anxious about where you stand.”Being emotionally ‘kept on hold,’ however, often feels confusing and one-sided. You may notice that emotional closeness is offered only when the other person feels lonely, needs validation, or fears losing access to you. “Psychologically, your nervous system often senses the difference before your mind accepts it. Healthy slowness feels secure and respectful; emotional limbo usually feels uncertain, draining, and emotionally unequal over time,” she says.Setting healthier boundaries to protect self-esteem and emotional wellbeing while datingIn modern dating, Khangarot says, many individuals stay emotionally invested in connections that lack consistency, clarity, or commitment, often convincing themselves that patience will eventually lead to security. “Over time, this can create anxiety, self-doubt, overthinking, difficulty trusting one’s instincts, and even a lowered sense of self-worth.”Story continues below this ad“Clear communication, consistency, and accountability matter more than chemistry alone. Protecting emotional wellbeing may involve asking direct questions, limiting emotional overinvestment in unclear dynamics, and being willing to step away from connections that repeatedly create confusion. Clarity may disappoint temporarily, but prolonged ambiguity often hurts far more in the long run,” suggests Khangarot.DISCLAIMER: This article is based on information from the public domain and/or the experts we spoke to. Always consult your health practitioner before starting any routine.