“My 4-year-old son always asks for Gems,” said actor Nakuul Mehta on his podcast, The Indian Parent Pod, while discussing a dilemma familiar to many Indian parents. Along with his wife, Jankee Mehta, he reflected on how tempting it can be to use fear to stop children from demanding chocolates or throwing tantrums.“How many people have said, ‘Don’t eat chocolate, your teeth will get spoilt,’ ‘The doctor will give you an injection,’ ‘I’ll call the police’,” they said on the podcast. Acknowledging that “fear works very fast,” the couple argued that quick compliance doesn’t necessarily make it healthy. “Every time I make my child work in fear, what am I teaching them? That doctors are scary, food is scary, that adults control them with fear,” they said.Instead, they advocated for calm, consistent boundaries. “The answer is to have boundaries with consistency… We eat chocolate sometimes, not every time. And yes, there will be a meltdown.” They added that the real challenge for parents isn’t saying no—it’s managing the crying that follows. “Sometimes children do get disappointed, but disappointment is not damage… Steady parenting does not mean my child will never cry. It means I will not make fear my default parenting tool.”DISCLAIMER: This article is based on information from the public domain and/or the experts we spoke to.But is this approach backed by science?According to Dr Pavitra Shankar, Associate Consultant, Psychiatrist, Aakash Healthcare, research suggests that while fear-based discipline may stop a behaviour in the moment, it is not an effective long-term parenting strategy. View this post on Instagram A post shared by theindianparentpod (@theindianparentpod) Why fear-based discipline can backfireDr Shankar explains that children who repeatedly hear phrases such as “The doctor will give you an injection” or “I’ll call the police” often comply because they are frightened—not because they understand why a behaviour is inappropriate.Over time, this can weaken trust between parent and child. Instead of viewing parents as a source of safety and guidance, children may begin associating them with intimidation. It can also create unnecessary fears of doctors, hospitals, police officers and other authority figures who are meant to help them.“Child development research consistently shows that children thrive when discipline is based on predictable rules, emotional security and respectful communication,” says Dr Shankar. When parents set calm and consistent boundaries, children gradually develop self-control and internal motivation rather than behaving simply to avoid punishment.Story continues below this adAre tantrums normal?Nakuul and Jankee argued that parents should hold firm boundaries even if it results in tears, a point Dr Shankar says aligns with developmental psychology.She explains that authoritative parenting, which combines warmth with firm and consistent limits, is considered one of the healthiest parenting styles.Preschoolers are naturally testing boundaries because the parts of the brain responsible for impulse control and emotional regulation are still developing. “A tantrum is often not bad behaviour but an expression of frustration because children don’t yet know how to manage overwhelming emotions,” Dr Shankar says.ALSO READ | 5 toxic things parents should ‘never ever’ say to their childrenRather than giving in, she advises parents to stay calm and acknowledge the child’s feelings. Saying something like, “I know you’re upset because you wanted that toy,” while maintaining the limit helps children feel understood without changing the rule.Story continues below this adConsistency is key, she adds. If boundaries constantly shift to avoid tears, children quickly learn that tantrums are an effective way to get what they want.Can fear-based parenting cause anxiety?Dr Shankar says studies have linked repeated fear-based discipline with unintended emotional consequences. Research has associated harsh, fear-inducing parenting with increased anxiety symptoms, lower self-esteem and poorer emotional regulation. However, Dr Shankar notes that an occasional warning is unlikely to cause lasting harm. The concern arises when fear becomes a parent’s primary disciplinary strategy.“Children do better when parents guide them with empathy, help them solve problems and teach them self-control in a supportive way,” she says.What should parents do instead?During a tantrum, logic often doesn’t work because a distressed preschooler’s brain is not ready to process explanations, says Dr Shankar. The priority should be helping the child calm down first.She recommends simple, practical strategies:Story continues below this ad* Get down to the child’s eye level and speak in a calm voice.* Name and validate the child’s emotions without giving in.* Offer simple choices, such as “Would you like the red cup or the blue cup?” to restore a sense of control.* Use distraction or redirection when appropriate.* Maintain predictable routines and consistent boundaries.DISCLAIMER: This article is based on information from the public domain and/or the experts we spoke to.