Cases of cyclosporiasis, a parasitic infection that can cause “explosive diarrhea,” have been reported in at least 34 states. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the illness.Q: Who is most at risk?A: Children, the elderly, and poor fuckers who’ve already used all their sick days.Q: Why is it called “explosive” diarrhea?A: Extensive focus group testing.Q: How many cases have been recorded?A: Oh, the CDC doesn’t do that anymore.Q: How can I tell if I have cyclosporiasis?A: You know there are exactly 36 tiles on your bathroom floor.Q: How is cyclosporiasis treated?A: With a large cork and plenty of prayer.Q: How do I keep myself safe?A: Let all your compulsions and neuroses take over your life again.The post What To Know About Cyclosporiasis appeared first on The Onion.