KANSAS CITY, MO—Audibly groaning as everyone around him rose to their feet, local baseball fan Mark Girma told reporters Friday that he resented a fourth-inning home run for making him pause eating so he could clap. “Oh, for Christ’s sake, now?” said Girma, who had reportedly just squeezed his way down his row following a 25-minute concessions ordeal and was balancing a hot dog, a cup of fries, and a large beer on his lap when Kansas City Royals left fielder Isaac Collins launched a solo shot into the bleachers. “I thought I was safe—the guy’s hitting .240 with five homers all year. Figured it was a good time to eat. But now I look like an asshole because I’m the only one in the section who isn’t standing, and I’m trying to clap while clutching a napkin in my left hand, and the fries are sliding off my leg, and I got ketchup on my wrist, and I’m gripping the beer cup with my teeth. Oh, God, what a disaster. I fucking hate baseball.” At press time, Girma was reportedly quietly hoping for a double play so the inning would end and he could safely resume eating without risk of further chaos.The post Man Resents Home Run For Making Him Pause Eating, Clap appeared first on The Onion.