GAINESVILLE, FL—Alarmed and disturbed by the sudden shift in tone, living room sources confirmed Thursday that local mother Jeanine Weaver’s remembrance of Sam Neill had taken a lewd turn. “He was a terrific actor, one of my favorites to watch—and mm, mm, what a man he was,” said the 62-year-old woman who got a faraway look in her eyes that suggested to sources that Weaver had forgotten they were even standing in the same room. “I’ll never forget the first time I saw Jurassic Park, or how it made me feel. I used to rewind that VHS tape again and again. Yes, yes. He knew what he was doing, strutting around in that little hat. You know, I always thought your father looked a bit like Sam Neill.” At press time, Weaver had retreated to her bedroom to rewatch Jurassic Park alone.The post Mom’s Remembrance Of Sam Neill Takes Lewd Turn appeared first on The Onion.