王月眉2026年9月29日耿朋朋在住处的前院。 On the 308th day after the Chinese police took her husband, Cherie Geng was making dumplings. The smell of a finished batch wafted from the kitchen as she mixed flour and water at her dining table. Her 6-year-old son was busy trading Pokemon figurines with a friend, so Cherie pushed a plate toward the friend’s mom, who had come to drop him off for the play date.在中国警方带走她丈夫后的第308天，耿朋朋正在包饺子。她在餐桌上和面时，厨房里飘来一阵刚出锅的饺子的香味。她六岁的儿子正忙着和一个小伙伴交换宝可梦玩偶，于是耿朋朋把一盘饺子推向那位小朋友的妈妈——她是送孩子过来玩的。“This is pretty good — the dough is soft,” the other mom said. “Last time I made dough, it was so hard I felt like I was choking.”“这个挺好吃的——面很软，”那位妈妈说。“我上次和的面特别硬，吃得我都觉得噎得慌。”“I’m not great at it either,” Cherie said. “Normally it’s my husband who likes making dumplings.” He had been a one-man assembly line, sifting flour, mixing filling and folding wrappers. “If we were feeding two or three people, he’d say, ‘You don’t need to do anything.’”“我也不太会，”耿朋朋说道，“平时都是我丈夫喜欢包饺子。”以前，他包起饺子来就像一条一个人的流水线，从筛面粉、拌馅到包饺子，全都不在话下。“要是只做两三个人吃的，他就会说，‘你什么都不用干。’”Now, though, Cherie had to do everything. Her husband, a pastor at one of China’s biggest underground churches, was seized last October by officers who roused him from bed at 2 a.m. Afterward, Cherie, fearing arrest herself, had fled with their son to Thailand. Since then, she had been in charge of not just cooking, but also renting a home, sorting out visas, finding schools and earning an income. She’d had to figure out where she could find authentic Chinese beef noodles, where to buy Chinese picture books. Having just learned to drive in Beijing, she now had to drive on the other side of the road.可现在，什么都得耿朋朋自己来。她的丈夫是中国规模最大的地下教会之一的一名牧师，去年10月的一天，警察在凌晨2点把他从睡梦中叫醒并带走。之后，耿朋朋担心自己也会被捕，于是带着儿子逃到泰国。从那以后，她不仅要做饭，还得租房、办签证、找学校、挣钱养家。她得弄清楚哪里能吃到正宗的中国牛肉面，哪里可以买到中文绘本。她刚在北京学会开车，现在却得适应靠左行驶。All this while trying to get her husband out of jail. She spent hours learning the intricacies of Chinese law and trying to craft attention-grabbing social media posts. Most days, it felt like all she could do was explain to her son where his father was.与此同时，她还得设法营救丈夫出狱。她花了很多时间钻研中国法律的种种细节，还要琢磨怎样写出能引起关注的社交媒体帖子。大多数日子里，她觉得自己能做的只有向儿子解释爸爸去了哪里。耿朋朋的丈夫高颖佳是中国最大地下教会之一的二号人物。当耿朋朋带着六岁的儿子约翰逃到泰国时，约翰不太会说英语，在课堂上有些吃力。The Chinese government’s crackdown on Zion Church was its biggest roundup of Christians in nearly a decade, as the authorities have increasingly tried to shut down religious groups that do not declare loyalty to the ruling Communist Party. In May, President Trump personally asked China’s leader, Xi Jinping, to free the lead pastor, Ezra Jin; Jin was soon released and now lives in the United States.中国政府对锡安教会的打压是近十年来针对基督徒规模最大的一次集中抓捕。近年来，当局越来越严厉地打压那些不愿向执政的共产党宣示效忠的宗教团体。今年5月，特朗普总统亲自请求中国领导人习近平释放锡安教会主任牧师金明日；不久后，金明日获释，现在生活在美国。But eight church members remain in detention, including Cherie’s husband, Gao Yingjia. China has signaled that it may sentence them to more than 10 years in prison, and their families are desperately trying to keep attention on their cases.但仍有八名教会成员遭到羁押，其中包括耿朋朋的丈夫高颖佳。中国已经释放信号，他们可能会被判处十年以上有期徒刑，而他们的家人正拼命让外界持续关注这些案件。At the same time, they must contend with how the arrests have rippled through their own lives. Most of the relatives who remain free had little public role at the church, and little preparation for what befell them. When Cherie once asked her husband whether they should make a plan in case he was arrested, he replied that they should just place their faith in God.与此同时，他们还不得不应付亲人被抓给自己的生活带来的连锁冲击。这些仍然自由的家属大多过去在教会里并不担任什么公开角色，对降临在自己身上的一切也几乎毫无准备。有一次，耿朋朋问丈夫，万一他被捕，他们是不是应该提前做个打算。丈夫回答说，他们只需要信靠上帝。Now, Cherie, 46, had little choice. It wasn’t easy. She was on her own in a part of Thailand she had never been to before, unsure when she might see her home or her husband again. Even here, she didn’t feel totally safe: She slept with a golf club by her bed and didn’t want her specific location published, in case the Chinese police tried to track her down. Her husband’s trial had recently been postponed without explanation, which gave her faint hope that the charges would be dropped and he would be freed. But Cherie also knew that outcome was most likely preordained, and the delay might just mean more time in limbo.如今，46岁的耿朋朋几乎没有选择。这并不容易。她独自生活在泰国一个以前从未去过的地方，不知道什么时候才能再见到自己的家，也不知道什么时候才能再见到丈夫。即使到了这里，她也不觉得完全安全：睡觉时，她会在床边放一根高尔夫球杆，也不希望报道披露她的具体住处，担心中国警方会设法追踪到她。丈夫的庭审不久前无故延期，这让她燃起了一丝微弱的希望——或许指控会被撤销，他会重获自由。但耿朋朋也明白，结果很可能早已注定，延期或许只意味着这段悬而未决的日子还要继续。In her hardest moments, Cherie allowed herself to imagine how things might have been different. Before she became a mother and a pastor’s wife, she had earned a Ph.D. in genetics and held a lucrative job at a pharmaceutical company. She could picture a world in which she had never become a Christian, never married a pastor and just lived a comfortable life.在最艰难的时刻，耿朋朋也会放任自己去想像，如果当初不一样，现在会怎样。在成为母亲和牧师妻子之前，她拿到了遗传学博士学位，并在一家制药公司拥有一份高薪工作。她能在脑海中描绘出另一种人生：自己从未成为基督徒，从未嫁给牧师，只是过着安逸的生活。为了防身，耿朋朋睡觉时会在床边放一根高尔夫球杆。她儿子常做噩梦，梦见妈妈被抓走。 耿朋朋和约翰在一位朋友陪同下出门去教会。Still, in some ways her ordeal had made her feel closer to her faith, and her husband, than ever before. Between batches of dumplings, she shared a post on X calling for the pastors’ freedom, and sent a text message to the other pastors’ relatives to confirm a strategy call later that night. Whenever she had time, she typed notes into her phone, both for herself and to write in letters for her husband, even though the jail rarely let mail in or out.不过，从某些方面说，这场磨难反而让她觉得自己比以往任何时候都更贴近自己的信仰，也更贴近丈夫。包饺子的间隙，她在X平台上转发了一篇呼吁释放牧师们的帖子，又给其他被捕牧师的家属发短信，确认当晚晚些时候商议对策的通话。只要有一点时间，她就会在手机里记下些东西，有些是写给自己看的，有些则准备写进给丈夫的信里，尽管监狱通信受到严格限制。“Dear Yingjia, I miss you,” she began.“亲爱的颖佳，我想你了，”她写道。******Relatives of the detainees logged onto the video call from all over the world: a wife who had fled to California, a husband in South Korea, elderly parents inside China. Sitting at her dining table, which was still cluttered with mixing bowls and her son’s toys, Cherie greeted the other church members’ loved ones, 12 in all, on her phone screen.被关押的教会成员的亲属从世界各地接入视频通话：一名逃到加州的妻子、一名身在韩国的丈夫，还有仍在中国境内的年迈父母。耿朋朋坐在餐桌旁，桌上散落着和面的碗和儿子的玩具。她看着手机屏幕，向其他教会成员的亲人打招呼，一共有12个人。“Thanks for all your work today,” she said to the father of a pastor who had spent the day writing letters of protest to government officials.“今天辛苦你了，”她对一位牧师的父亲说。那位父亲花了一整天时间给政府官员写抗议信。“You haven’t been feeling well lately, right?” she said to another pastor’s husband. “Do you think you have Covid?”“你最近一直不太舒服，对吧？”她对另一位牧师的丈夫说。“是不是得了新冠？”They hadn’t been close before the arrests. Zion Church’s leaders had been scattered across China for years, since the government barred them from gathering in Beijing. The pastors led smaller, low-profile groups instead, coming together on Sundays for sermons streamed on Zoom, many of them given by Cherie’s husband, the church’s second-in-command.在抓捕发生之前，他们彼此并不亲近。自从政府禁止锡安教会在北京聚会后，教会的领袖多年来一直分散在中国各地。牧师们转而带领规模更小、行事更低调的聚会，每逢星期日再通过Zoom一起听讲道，其中许多次讲道都是耿朋朋的丈夫主持的，他是锡安教会的二号带领人。Thousands of people tuned in. The church leaders knew that the police were likely among them, but they believed it was their duty to spread the gospel proudly and fearlessly. Besides, the authorities generally hadn’t imprisoned church leaders as long as they did not directly challenge the government. Yingjia and others had been hauled in for questioning and even held for a few days, but they were always released afterward.每次都有数千人上线收看。教会领袖们知道，警察很可能也混在其中，但他们相信，自豪而无所畏惧地传播福音是自己的责任。况且，只要不直接挑战政府，当局通常不会长期监禁教会领袖。高颖佳和其他人过去都曾被带走问话，甚至拘留过几天，但最后总会放回来。Growing up in the countryside of northern China, Cherie had been introduced to Christianity by her mother, who hid with fellow worshipers in pig stalls to secretly listen to a local pastor. Her mother discouraged Cherie from joining a church herself, worrying that it was dangerous. But Cherie found her own way to faith when her work at the pharmaceutical company left her feeling empty. Bubbly, sociable and fluent in English after her Ph.D. studies, she left her job and started teaching the language to fellow churchgoers.耿朋朋在中国北方农村长大，是母亲把她引入基督教信仰的。她的母亲曾经和其他教友躲在猪圈里，偷偷听一位当地牧师讲道。母亲劝耿朋朋自己不要加入教会，担心那样太危险。但后来，在制药公司的工作让耿朋朋感到内心空虚，她最终还是以自己的方式走向了信仰。她性格开朗、善于交际，攻读博士期间练就了一口流利英语。后来她辞掉工作，开始给教会里的其他信徒教英语。Still, worry was never far from her mind, especially after she and Yingjia adopted their son, John, in 2021. Her health was also deteriorating — maybe, she thought, because of the stress of frequent police raids on church meetings. Last summer, rumors began spreading that a bigger crackdown might be coming.尽管如此，心里总还是担心，尤其是在她和高颖佳2021年收养儿子约翰之后。她的身体也开始变差了——她猜想，也许是因为警方经常突袭教会聚会带来的压力。去年夏天，开始有传言说，一场更大规模的打压可能即将到来。It came on Oct. 10, when they were at home in Beijing. Cherie received a call from a lawyer who said Zion’s lead pastor had been arrested, along with around two dozen other church members.10月10日，这场打压真的来了。当时他们正在北京家中。耿朋朋接到一名律师的电话，对方告诉她，锡安教会的主任牧师已经被捕，此外还有大约二十多名教会成员也被带走。Scrambling, they removed their SIM cards from their phones and drove with their son to a friend’s house. But the police pounded on their friend’s door in the middle of the night and took Yingjia away. They accused him of illegal use of the internet in connection with his online sermons.他们慌忙取出手机里的电话卡，带着儿子开车去了一个朋友家。但半夜，警察猛敲朋友家的门，把高颖佳带走了。他们指控他非法利用信息网络，这与他线上讲道有关。Cherie returned home to find her door broken open, her apartment stripped of electronics, books and her diaries. In the following days, she vomited repeatedly. Why hadn’t Yingjia wanted to make a plan? What was she supposed to do now?耿朋朋回到家时，发现家门已被撬开，公寓里的电子设备、书籍和她的日记都被搜走了。接下来的几天里，她反复呕吐。为什么颖佳不肯提前做个计划？她现在该怎么办？At first, she resolved to stay in China. The police wouldn’t let her see her husband, but she could see his lawyers, who were allowed to visit him. She told John that his father was on a long business trip. But John overheard her talking to the lawyers and started having nightmares about her being seized, too.起初，她决心留在中国。警方不让她见丈夫，但她可以见他的律师，而律师获准前去探视。她告诉约翰，父亲在长期出差。但约翰偷听到她和律师的谈话，开始做噩梦，梦见她也被抓走。She arrived in Thailand in January. It was a shock in many ways: the humidity, the noisy streets. She found an English-speaking congregation, and at first she marveled that she could worship without fear of persecution. But she also missed the sense of urgency that had come with Zion’s furtive services in China. The new pastor’s sermons, on comfortable domestic topics like parenting and education, sometimes felt distant from her own concerns.今年1月，她来到泰国。很多东西都让她很不适应：湿热的天气、嘈杂的街道。她找到了一间使用英语的教会，起初，她惊叹于自己竟然可以不用担心遭受迫害，自由地做礼拜。可她同时也怀念起锡安教会在中国偷偷举行礼拜时那种紧迫感。新教会牧师的讲道谈的常常是育儿、教育之类安稳日常生活中的话题，有时让她觉得离自己的处境相距甚远。She hesitated to tell people she met about her situation, not wanting pity or unsolicited advice. The sight of couples and families pained her. A few other Zion members had also fled to Thailand, but Cherie often wanted to be alone. She purposely chose a house way too big for just herself and John so she had a space to withdraw.因为不想要同情，也不想听别人主动给她建议，所以她不太愿意向新认识的人讲述自己的遭遇。看到夫妻和一家人在一起，会让她感到难过。另有几名锡安教会成员也逃到了泰国，但耿朋朋常常只想一个人待着。她特意租了一栋对于她和约翰两个人来说大得过分的房子，这样她便能有一个可以独处的空间。Every night, she and John prayed together in their bedroom facing a yard with mango and papaya trees. He always prayed to go back to Beijing.每天晚上，她都会和约翰一起在卧室里祷告。卧室外是一片院子，种着芒果和木瓜。他总是祷告希望能回北京。一开始，耿朋朋对约翰说爸爸出差了，但如今他已经知道，爸爸被关在监狱里。但想到爸爸在监狱里仍在向人传道，他反倒从中得到了一些安慰。中国宪法保障宗教信仰自由。但在实际执行中，政府只允许经官方批准、并宣示效忠中共的宗教团体开展活动。Now she was at a rented dining table, collecting morsels about her husband’s case in the only way she could: through calls with the families of other detainees. Recently, as the trial loomed, the meetings had become more frequent. Cherie now knew the other relatives’ morning and evening routines, their parents’ names, their deepest fears.如今，她坐在一张租来的餐桌旁，只能通过和其他被羁押者家属通话，一点一点拼凑出丈夫案件的消息。最近，随着开庭日期临近，这样的会议变得越来越频繁。现在，耿朋朋已经知道其他家属的早晚作息，知道他们父母的名字，也知道他们心底最深的恐惧。The woman who had fled to California sounded tired as she joined the conversation — it was 5 a.m. there. Her voice shaky, she said the prosecutors were threatening her husband with a decadelong sentence if he didn’t plead guilty.逃到加州的那名女子加入通话时听起来十分疲惫——她那边才清晨5点。她声音颤抖地说，检察官正在威胁她的丈夫：如果不认罪，就判他十年。“Could that be a trap?” one father interjected.“会不会是在诈他？”一位父亲插话说。“I think we need to ask the lawyers again what’s going on,” Cherie said. She often found herself in the role of mediator and comforter, her old teaching instincts kicking in. “If anyone else’s lawyers can go, too, they should try to find out if they’re increasing the pressure.”“我觉得我们得再问问律师，到底是怎么回事，”耿朋朋说。她常常发现自己扮演着调解者和安慰者的角色，过去教书时养成的习惯又冒了出来。“如果其他人的律师也能去，他们应该尽量问清楚，他们是不是在加大施压。”“Sometimes they just exaggerate,” another caller said. “They might only plan to sentence you to three years, but they say 11.”“他们有时候就是故意往严重了说，”另一名通话者说。“也许本来只打算判你三年，却会跟你说要判11年。”The conversation turned to when the court might reschedule the trial, when John, who had been playing on a tablet in the next room, started shouting.大家的话题转到法院可能什么时候重新安排庭审。这时，一直在隔壁房间玩平板电脑的约翰突然大声喊了起来。“Mom! What’s wrong with this?” When she didn’t answer, he called again. “Mom, what’s wrong with this?”“妈妈！这个怎么回事？”她没有回答，于是他又喊了一遍。“妈妈，这个怎么回事？”She knew that John didn’t like it when she was glued to her phone. Rarely fussy in Beijing, he had become irritable since his father’s arrest. He got into fights at school and called Cherie ugly. She, in turn, sometimes yelled at or spanked him, and always regretted doing so afterward.她知道，约翰不喜欢她总是盯着手机。在北京时他很少闹脾气，但自从父亲被抓后，他变得易怒。他会在学校里和人打架，还会骂耿朋朋丑。耿朋朋有时也会反过来冲他大喊，或者打他屁股，事后又总是后悔。Cherie set her phone on the table and walked over. “It’s out of battery,” she said.耿朋朋把手机放在桌上，走了过去。“是没电了，”她说。“Mom, come with me,” he said, tugging her toward the stairs.“妈妈，跟我来，”他说着，拉着她往楼梯那边走。“You go ahead,” she said, trying to dislodge him gently. But he wouldn’t relent, so she followed him.“你自己去吧，”她说，试着轻轻挣脱他。但他不肯放手，于是她跟着他去了。几个月来，约翰每天晚上都会祈祷，希望能够回到北京。耿朋朋每周会和其他教会成员的家属或高颖佳的律师通话数次。如今，她与人交往主要都靠手机。She returned to the dining room a few minutes later, looking weary. She unmuted herself and put on a cheery voice.几分钟后，她回到餐厅，看起来满脸疲惫。她取消静音，装出轻快的声音。“What’s going on now?” she said.“现在说到哪儿了？”她问。******When Cherie and Yingjia first met through Zion, she thought he was too short, too serious and chewed too loudly. Like her, he had done a Ph.D. — his was in theoretical physics — but unlike her, he fulfilled the stereotype of the awkward scientist. But Cherie’s mother kept pressuring her to find a husband, and there weren’t many bachelors at Zion. Cherie decided to think of her marriage as a sacrifice to Christ.耿朋朋和高颖佳最初在锡安教会认识时，她觉得他个子太矮、太严肃，吃东西时声音太大。和她一样，他也有博士学位——他的专业是理论物理，但和她不同的是，他完全符合人们对科学家都是书呆子的刻板印象。可耿朋朋的母亲一直催她找个丈夫，而锡安教会里单身男人并不多。耿朋朋于是决定，把这段婚姻当作自己为基督作出的牺牲。Cherie struggled with her new identity as a pastor’s wife. She felt pressure to be good, but she disliked some people at church, lost her temper with Yingjia and still argued with her parents.成为牧师妻子后，耿朋朋一直不太适应这个新的身份。她感到自己得处处表现得像个好人，可她并不喜欢教会里的某些人，而且她会对高颖佳发脾气，也还是会和父母争吵。It was Yingjia who told her not to worry, that she should be herself and that God would take care of them. His unflappability drove her crazy at first. But over time, it became part of what she loved about him.反倒是高颖佳告诉她，不必担心，她只需要做自己，上帝会照顾他们。起初，他这种处变不惊的性格简直让她抓狂。但时间久了，这成了她爱他的原因之一。Now he wasn’t around, and she felt herself trying to satisfy others’ expectations again. She was always comforting the families of other jailed members; when she got tired, she took it out on John. Yingjia seemed to know that would happen. In one of his few letters that had reached her by mail, he urged her to stop putting on a happy face. “The fact that you always share the good news but not the bad actually makes me a bit sad, because I don’t get to be by your side during the difficult times,” he wrote in a letter dated May 2.如今他不在身边了，她发现自己又开始努力迎合别人对她的期待。她总是在安慰其他被关押教友的家属；累到撑不住的时候，就会把情绪发泄在约翰身上。高颖佳似乎早就知道她会这样。在少数几封成功寄到她手里的信中，他有劝她不要再强装笑脸。他在5月2日的信中写道：“你总是报喜不报忧，其实反而让我有一点难过，因为你最难熬的时候，我没办法陪在你身边。”She especially felt his absence on June 18. That was the day the court was scheduled to decide whether to move forward with the case against Zion or drop it. Cherie, feeling optimistic, considered booking a flight back home so she could greet Yingjia when he was released. But her friends urged her to wait.6月18日，她尤其深切地感受到了他的缺席。那天，法院原定裁决是继续审理针对锡安教会的案件还是予以撤销。耿朋朋当时很乐观，考虑订机票回国，这样就能在高颖佳获释时去迎接他。但朋友们劝她再等等。The morning of the decision, the lawyer called. Some church members had been released on bail, but Yingjia had not. In fact, the court had added charges, describing the offerings Zion had collected as fraud.裁决当天上午，律师打来电话。一些教会成员已获保释，但高颖佳没有。事实上，法院还追加了指控，把锡安教会募集的奉献定性为欺诈。Cherie broke down. Friends swarmed her house to comfort her, but she felt only irritation. Why weren’t they offering her more support? Actually, why wouldn’t they go away — how could they know how she was feeling? What if, Cherie wondered, she went back to China, Yingjia gave up pastoring, they found new jobs and just prayed secretly?耿朋朋崩溃了。朋友们涌到她家安慰她，但她只感到烦躁。为什么他们没有给她更多支持？其实，为什么他们不走开——他们怎么可能了解她的感受？耿朋朋想，如果她回中国，高颖佳放弃牧职，他们各自找个新工作，只然后只在暗中祷告，那会怎么样呢？******So much of her life now was waiting — for news from the lawyers, for a letter from her husband, for some clarity on what the rest of her life would look like. But there was also so much to deal with every day. That was why, early on the Monday after she made dumplings, Cherie nudged a sleepy John out of bed, for her first day of work.她现在生活中很大一部分是等待——等待律师的消息，等待丈夫的来信，等待某种关于余生会是什么样子的明确答案。但每天也有太多事情要处理。正因如此，在包完饺子后的那个周一清晨，耿朋朋把睡眼惺忪的约翰从床上推醒，因为这是她第一天上班。Cherie had hesitated to take a full-time job when she felt she already wasn’t spending enough time with him. But she needed money and a visa. And the job was teaching at a Christian school, so John could attend for free.耿朋朋曾犹豫要不要接受一份全职工作，因为她觉得自己已经没花足够时间陪他。但她需要钱和签证。而且这份工作是在一所基督教学校教书，所以约翰可以免费上学。Cherie navigated slowly through morning traffic in the used Toyota Camry she had recently bought. It was a 40-minute drive, and she was still a nervous driver, steering down streets lined with tropical flowers and banana trees.耿朋朋开着她最近买的一辆二手丰田凯美瑞，缓慢地穿行在早晨的车流中。车程40分钟，她仍然是个紧张的司机，沿着两旁种满热带花卉和香蕉树的街道行驶。约翰陪着耿朋朋去新工作上班的第一天。耿朋朋开始上泰拳课来增强体力。不过，她答应约翰不会参加比赛，因为约翰担心，万一她受伤了，就没人照顾他了。“What song do you want to listen to today?” she asked John.“你今天想听什么歌？”她问约翰。“I don’t want to listen to songs,” he mumbled, his eyes still closed. “我不想听歌，”他嘟囔着，眼睛还闭着。“Let’s listen to the songs I like then,” she said, putting on a Chinese worship song. “Buckle your seatbelt.”“那就听我喜欢的歌吧，”她说，放了一首中文敬拜歌曲。“系好安全带。”“I don’t have the energy,” he said.“我没力气，”他说。Lately, Cherie had been returning to one song in particular: “Never Ending Grace.” She had awakened with it playing in her head the morning after her husband wasn’t released on bail. It seemed like a sign, a reminder that everything she was going through had a higher purpose.最近，耿朋朋总是在听一首歌：《细数恩典》。在她丈夫未能获保释的第二天早上，她醒来时脑海里就回响着这首歌。它像是一个征兆，提醒她，自己所经历的一切都有更高的目的。Every trial faced where I nearly stumbled每个险些跌倒路过的试炼Every day that arrived unnoticed每个未曾在意到来的今天Every peaceful moment taken for granted每个平安无事忽略的瞬间What seemed ordinary was actually grace看似理所当然其实是恩典So she was trying to give herself more grace, too. She had cut back on her meetings with the other families, so she could take John to soccer practice. She went to Muay Thai classes to build up strength (though, she noted in a letter to Yingjia, her abs were still in hiding). She invited her sister to visit from China to help take care of John.所以她也努力给自己更多恩典。她减少了与其他家庭的聚会，这样就能带约翰去踢足球。她去上泰拳课增强体力。（不过她在给高颖佳的信里提到，她的腹肌仍然没有显露。）她请姐姐从中国来帮忙照顾约翰。And she prayed, constantly. There was an irony to her situation: Now, when the burden of being a pastor’s wife was heavier than ever, she was finally doing what Yingjia had always advised her to do, just giving up control and trusting in God.她还不断祷告。她的处境颇具讽刺意味：如今，当身为牧师妻子的重担比以往任何时候都更沉重时，她终于做到了高颖佳一直建议她做的事——放手，信靠上帝。Cherie sang quietly as she drove. She decided to put the lyrics in her next letter to Yingjia.耿朋朋一边开车一边轻声唱着。她决定把歌词写进下一封给高颖佳的信里。******Cherie made it through her first day of work, but she couldn’t rest yet. After a dinner of steamed buns prepared by her sister, Cherie called a family meeting, a tradition from Beijing that had fallen off in the chaos of leaving China. She gathered her sister, her sister’s two children and John around the table to light a candle, sing a hymn and read the Bible.耿朋朋熬过了第一天上班，但她还不能休息。吃完姐姐准备的蒸馒头做晚餐后，耿朋朋召集了一次家庭会议——这是在北京时的传统，在离开中国的那段混乱时期一度中断了。她把姐姐、姐姐的两个孩子和约翰召集到桌旁，点上一支蜡烛，唱一首赞美诗，朗读《圣经》。At least, that was the plan. As Cherie played a hymn on YouTube, John wriggled out of his seat and blew out the candle. While she read aloud from Psalm 29, he stood on his chair, propping one foot on the table in a Superman pose.至少，计划是这样的。当耿朋朋用YouTube播放赞美诗时，约翰从座位上扭下来，吹灭了蜡烛。当她朗读《诗篇》第29篇时，他站在椅子上，一只脚撑在桌面上，摆出超人的姿势。“You think Jehovah is so awesome. That’s why you’re standing, right?” Cherie said. “Could you please sit down?” “你觉得耶和华太厉害了。所以你才站起来，对吧？”耿朋朋说。“能不能请你坐下？”When he didn’t move, her voice turned firmer: “You’ll break the table. Sit in the chair.”他没动，她的语气变得更坚定：“你要把桌子弄坏了。坐到椅子上。”She asked him to say a prayer. Still giggling, he complied.她让他做祷告。他一边咯咯笑，一边照做了。“Thank you Jesus thank you Dad come home quickly thank you Mom,” he blurted in one breath. “Amen!”“感谢耶稣感谢爸爸快回家感谢妈妈，”他一口气脱口而出。“阿们！”最近，约翰在泰国交到了第一个朋友，是他幼儿园里的另一个男孩。礼拜结束后，耿朋朋和约翰与家人一起吃午饭。The next morning, Cherie got up early to write to Yingjia. There was always so much to share. About how John had made a friend and stopped praying to return to Beijing. About how she had lost her temper with the boy, again, and he had bitten his arm until the skin broke. About how he was visibly happier with his aunt and cousins around.第二天早上，耿朋朋早早起床给高颖佳写信。总有太多事情要分享。比如约翰交了一个朋友，不再祷告求回北京了。比如她又对儿子发了脾气，而他咬自己的手臂，咬到皮肤破了。比如有阿姨和表亲在身边，他明显更开心了。But then John woke up and called for her.但这时约翰醒了，喊她过去。And then it was time to go.然后就到了该出门的时候。“Sorry, I’m about to be late. I have to go to work now. John wanted me to keep him company just now, so I couldn’t finish writing,” she wrote. “Love you always.” “抱歉，我快迟到了。我现在得去上班。约翰刚才想让我陪他，所以我没能写完，”她写道。“永远爱你。”摄影：Lauren DeCicca王月眉(Vivian Wang)是时报驻纽约记者，报道中国的崛起及雄心如何影响中国国内外民众的生活。翻译：纽约时报中文网点击查看本文英文版。