EAU CLAIRE, WI—Staring down at his dampened shirt with a mixture of anger and stunned disbelief, local man Frank Buchwald was reportedly acting like he was never going to be dry again after he got hit by a sprinkler Tuesday. Buchwald, who was described by friends and colleagues as an otherwise sane and rational person, was heard crying out “Christ!” when he came into contact with the water, his tone suggesting he believed he lived in a world where towels had been outlawed across the globe and evaporation did not exist. According to sources, the man continued to sulk for the duration of the short journey down the block, as if he were struggling to come to terms with a life in which he would be dripping puddles while walking his daughter down the aisle at her wedding and would one day be buried alongside his wife in a watery grave. At press time, Buchwald was said to be in an even worse mood after onlookers suggested the spray of water must feel kind of good on such a hot day. The post Man Angry He Got Hit By Sprinkler Acting Like He’s Never Going To Be Dry Again appeared first on The Onion.