In February I started going out with someone who sent me a super like on bumble. I was drawn to his unique style and he seemed sweet. we hit it off immediately. We talked every day and then he came down to visit me and we went on a couple dates. also, when we first started talking a girl with a faceless private account on Instagram dmed me asking if I was dating him. I told her we were talking. She said that she had been talking to him. I confronted him about this and he explained that they went on two dates a year before, it didn’t go well, he called it off, but she kept trying to contact him various places asking to keep talking so he gave in because he felt bad. When I talked to her she confirmed they only went on two dates a year before and only had been talking since but she seemed really hung up on it and really angry at him. If I were just talking to someone, that didn’t really mean anything to me, because I’ve talked to people while casually dating others and if no exclusivity happened and no dates were planned, it wasn’t serious. He called things off with her and blocked her and I didn’t really think much of it after that. because he lived in a different state for school and work, he told me at the end of our second date that he didn’t think it was fair to me to start something long distance and encouraged me to explore other options while he was away. But he said he wouldn’t have the time to do anything like that and really liked me and didn’t want to date anyone else. I wasn’t really interested in dating other people and I thought this was an odd thing to say but when he explained it to me it made sense. when we started texting again he told me he deleted his dating apps and was exclusively dating me. I took that as a sign to delete mine too. things seemed fine and every month we’d go on a few dates, he’d bring me flowers, and we’d spend the day together doing various things. Whenever we had sex or he was feeling horny he would always say he didn't want me to think that he only wanted sex because I meant more to him than that. But I started to feel a little weird about it. Because he never made our relationship official. He never asked me to be his girlfriend. But we were exclusive. It didn't make any sense to me. He had used his dad recently dying (he claimed during the beginning of when we were going out, but he never told me it happened until months in as an excuse to not commit to me). I told him that I was upset by his lack of commitment or labeling our relationship and that I felt used. He also had put himself in me raw without permission and that felt violating especially because I said I’d only do that in a committed relationship. But when I brought all these issues up he diffused the situation well. Apologized and gave reasoning for everything. This was right before he went on vacation for two weeks with his family. we talked still despite the time difference, and when he came back we went on another date. except afterward, he still kept avoiding the conversation of labeling our relationship and ended up ghosting me for two weeks. At this point, I was over it. I started to put myself out there again and when two weeks of hearing nothing from him hit, I sent a message to him saying I was disappointed in him, I wanted my things back, but I left things open if he wanted to explain himself. He came back and apologized and again, blamed his grief. He said he did want something real with me and he was sorry but so much in his life has been stressful and he was avoiding talking to his loved ones. He said if I really wanted to end things that was valid but he had no intention of leaving me out in the cold and still wanted to try again and told me if we stopped dating he’d be looking for me in every woman and nobody would measure up. i told him to call me and we had a long conversation about it. He told me he still wanted to talk to me but that it wasn’t a good time for him to date. He didn’t have a problem with me seeing other people and understood the situation. But he said he wouldn’t be dating anyone. Just waiting for me. The next day he told me he loved me. I wasn’t sure how I felt about him. also, I don’t remember when this was but I searched his dad. I had a suspicion he was using his dad as an excuse and I remembered the girl who dmed me mentioning something about his dad so I searched his full name to find a death record. I could only find one. It was the same name. same cause of death. Over a year earlier than he told me. so one time I lashed out and accused him of lying about his dads death and of course he was like why tf would I lie about that his death has affected me so much. He offered to show me the funeral pamphlet even. So I felt stupid and crazy and let it go. when I redownloaded bumble I noticed our old conversation was gone. The conversation was as deleted, which meant he unmatched with me. When I asked him about this he said he unmatched with everyone before deleting the app. Whatever. This still seemed suspicious to me. But I started dating other people and trying to avoid him. I went on a few dates that didn’t go very well and a hookup. All I could think about during it was how much I didn’t want to be there and how much I missed him. He also started to be more generous during this time and helped me out financially a little. Was acting super lovey dovey. And I told him I loved him. I still didn’t fully trust him. he also started following a pretty girl on instagram and when I asked him about it he said he knew her from work. Remember this. when I told him about the hookup, he got really sad. And didn’t want to imagine anyone, in his words, “fucking the woman I love.” This hurt my heart. We talked about it more. I decided I’d stop dating other people. I asked if he wanted to be exclusive again. He told me he had always been exclusive to me. when his birthday came, he also asked me not to get him anything. Which I thought was strange. But I respected it. Some people just don’t like getting gifts. well last month we started making plans for Halloween. He bought us HHN tickets and I was going to take him to a Halloween party. we came up with a couples costume by his suggestion and I bought mine. He was also sending me money, getting me gifts, and being more romantic than ever. I thought, this week we’ll see each other, he’s pulling all these big romantic gestures, of course he’s gonna finally ask me to be his girlfriend! until two days ago. i forgot I had made a post on tea about him months before when I posted a guy I went on a date with who stole one of my favorite rings. hut I hadn’t gotten any responses on the guy I was dating and hadn’t thought to check it. a few responses had been left on there and one of them said he was still hooking up with his ex. then I got a message. I answered it. it was his ex. she told me they dated for four years and had been on and off ever since. and when we figured out the timelines, she and him broke up right before he started dating me but after he sent me a like on bumble. Then we were going steady for a while and in May, right before my fucking birthday, (coincidentally my birthday was also the same day he did it raw without permission) him and his ex reconnected. Then they were on the fence and he reached out to me again after ghosting me. but they had continued to hook up this whole time. He lied about everything. And to make matters worse the ex seemed to have no remorse or empathy for my situation and she said she would most likely continue to see him. She told me everything he told her was true and everything he told me was a lie. He told us the same fucking things though, he definitely was lying to both of us. He told us both it was exclusive, told us both he loved us. that we were the prettiest girl in the world. Blah blah blah. And she said he supposedly never cheated on her before and this was the first time but that definitely wasn’t true. But That’s not even the end of it. I reached out to the girl from his Instagram following. They were also talking. The entire time he was on vacation and ever since until she started to become uninterested. When he was on vacation he told her he was going to get her gifts. They were gifts he got for me. They never even met up. He gave me a bunch of shit from his trip when he came back. They were all things that were specific to me and my interests. he also of course told her he wasn’t seeing anyone else. So at this time he was dating me, hooking up with his ex, and talking to this other girl on the side. I never would have known if it weren’t for tea, because I ignored all of my intuitions because he was so good at manipulating me. The ex never would have known either. Nor would the other girl. I was smart enough to check whether or not he was seeing anyone else but nobody had ever thought to before, and the ex is kidding herself if she seriously thinks someone so calculated, manipulative, and constantly lying couldn't have ever cheated on her. she also confirmed that his dad died almost two years ago. the worst part was that when I confronted him, his whole entire demeanor changed. It was like I was talking to a different person. he was so seemingly sweet and kind and understanding before and he sounded like a goddamn computer afterwards. He’s also trying to prevent me from using my ticket to HHN and he still has stuff of mine he needs to give back. never ignore your intuition. You’re not crazy.   submitted by   /u/Sandmancancantoucan   to   r/BreakUps [link]   [comments]