BURBANK, CA—Calling the decision “bittersweet,” Scooby-Doo announced his retirement Friday after accepting a voluntary buyout from media conglomerate Skydance. “While I’ve loved all the years I’ve spent unmasking villains with my friends, the writing was unfortunately on the wall,” said the cartoon Great Dane, who told reporters he was looking forward to spending more time with his nephew Scrappy-Doo. “It’s not how I wanted to end things after 57 years at Hanna-Barbera and Warner Bros., but at least I’ve made enough money to keep me in Scooby Snacks for the rest of my life. Plus, it’s better than sticking around and then getting laid off when they inevitably combine the Paramount and Warner Bros. animated dog departments.” Scooby added that Skydance’s five-day return-to-office mandate would have made his commute from Coolsville difficult.The post Scooby-Doo Retires After Taking Skydance Buyout appeared first on The Onion.