Social media has a habit of turning complex relationship dynamics into catchy labels, and the latest to spark debate is ‘dating down’. Broadly, the term refers to dating someone perceived as ‘below’ you in some way—whether because of looks, income, education, or social status. Some people have also used it to describe choosing a partner who falls short in effort or emotional availability. While the phrase has gone viral, it has also raised uncomfortable questions about how we measure compatibility and whether reducing people to a hierarchy does more harm than good.Difference vs imbalance in a relationshipDr Sakshi Mandhyan, psychologist and founder of Mandhyan Care, tells indianexpress.com, “The phrase ‘dating down’ itself can be problematic because it turns relationships into a ranking system. I don’t think income, education, profession, or appearance tells us who the ‘better’ partner is. Two people can come from very different backgrounds and still have an equal relationship.”DISCLAIMER: This article is based on information from the public domain and/or the experts we spoke to. Always consult your health practitioner before starting any routine.She distinguishes between difference and imbalance. Earning less is a difference. Refusing to take responsibility is an imbalance. Having less formal education is a difference. Dismissing your partner’s thoughts or refusing to grow is something else entirely.Psychologically, Dr Mandhyan mentions that compatibility has much more to do with how two people handle respect, responsibility, conflict, and emotional needs. “I would also look at whether both people are making an effort and whether each person’s individuality is respected. A relationship becomes unhealthy when one partner repeatedly has to compensate for what the other is unwilling to bring to it.”Recognising when you’re settlingQuick QuizBefore reading on, see if you can answer this:Which situation is the strongest sign that you may be settling in a relationship?Story continues below this adA. Your partner has a different career, income or social background than you.B. You and your partner occasionally disagree but resolve conflicts respectfully.C. You consistently do most of the emotional work, overlook behaviour that hurts you and rarely feel your needs are reciprocated.D. Your partner has a few imperfections, but both of you make an effort to grow together.Reveal the answer✅ Correct answer: CStory continues below this adDr Mandhyan says settling isn’t about a partner’s income, status, or background. A more meaningful warning sign is when one person carries most of the emotional responsibility—constantly resolving conflicts, overlooking hurtful behaviour, or adjusting — while the other makes little effort to meet them halfway. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, accountability and reciprocity, not perfection.Building an equal and fulfilling relationshipDr Mandhyan says that once someone starts thinking, ‘I could have done better than you,’ the relationship has already shifted psychologically. It becomes easier to expect more from the other person while overlooking what you yourself bring or fail to bring. The partner who is supposedly “dating up” may also start to feel they need to prove their worth.She states that I think contempt is the bigger danger here. When one partner privately sees themselves as superior, it eventually shows up in small ways. Their opinions carry more weight. Their compromises feel like favours. The other person may become defensive or begin overcompensating to maintain approval.“Rather than asking who got the better deal, I would ask whether both people have an equal voice and whether effort moves in both directions. Differences will always exist between partners. They become problematic when those differences are used to decide whose needs matter more or who should feel grateful simply to be in the relationship,” concludes Dr Mandhyan.Story continues below this adDISCLAIMER: This article is based on information from the public domain and/or the experts we spoke to. Always consult your health practitioner before starting any routine.