All of us who were old enough to see Dil Chahta Hai when it released 25 years ago, have a core memory and a favourite moment from the film that makes us smile every time we rewatch it. I remember listening to the title track on a cassette (yes, that’s how old I am), while going on long drives with my family. I also crack up every time I think of “aaj pooja kal koi dooja”.But when I watched Dil Chahta Hai again for this column, I realised that it is not just a film that reimagined male bonding on screen in Hindi cinema, it was a film that changed the way a Hindi film hero and his masculinity were written for the big screen. From the more immediately visible elements like clothes that felt lived-in, or casting a leading man with a receding hairline and not giving him a wig, to showing us that men are malleable and capable of evolving, Dil Chahta Hai was different from anything we had seen before. A still from Dil Chahta Hai.Early on in the film, there is a scene where Sameer (Saif Ali Khan) realises he has forgotten to call his girlfriend. He starts panicking because he knows she is going to give him grief over it. Akash (Aamir Khan) gives him a speech asking him to stand up to her and tell her that if she wants to be in a relationship with him, it has to be on his terms. He concludes the monologue with a line, “mard ban, be a man”. As soon as Sameer leaves to assert his ‘manliness’, Akash bursts into laughter and says that Sameer is going to get into trouble. Director Farhan Akhtar uses humour effectively in this scene — one, to establish that his characters are not the kind of men looking to dominate or control women; secondly, infusing comedy into a scene where one man is egging on the other to be a ‘mard’, cleverly mocks the old-school constructs of masculinity.Also read | ‘Don’t know fashion or luxury’: Sonali Kulkarni recalls initial fear on Dil Chahta Hai setsAt no point does Akash actually intend for Sameer to misbehave with his girlfriend. We know that by the way he treats Deepa, a girl who is crazy about him. Akash does not reciprocate her feelings, but at no point does he take advantage of her vulnerability or deliberately hurt her feelings. So, while he may seem shallow or insensitive compared to Siddharth or Sid (Akshaye Khanna), as he is affectionately called, Akash is no alpha male looking for a woman with a wide pelvis. If anything, his attitude to love and marriage almost seems conditioned by sitcoms and romantic comedies where the hero is afraid of commitment, or mocks the idea of falling in love. Akash is candid about having had passing relationships, but his flippant attitude to romance seems more performative than part of his actual belief system.For the longest time, Akash’s ego does not allow him to accept that he has fallen in love with Shalini (Priety Zinta). When he meets Shalini and her fiancée Rohit (Ayub Khan) for dinner, he is cold and sullen, trying to hold it together and not show any emotions, like a man is supposed to, but failing miserably at it. Falling in love forces Akash to question and then discard learned behaviour patterns that don’t serve him anymore. Whether it’s accepting his truth, speaking to Shalini’s uncle or declaring his love to her, Akash slowly overcomes his fear of vulnerability and realises that it requires tremendous strength to bare your soul to someone.There is a lovely scene where a distraught Akash dials a number in India hoping to speak to Sameer, only to realise that he called Sid’s home. He ends the call and then breaks down in tears, weeping not just for the love he thinks he has lost but also the friendship he jeopardised by his thoughtless comments. For the first time, he realises the emotional turmoil Sid was going through when he fell in love. In many Bollywood films, male friendships are impacted by a difference in economic status or both men conveniently falling in love with the same woman, who then becomes a prop with no say in the matter. But in Dil Chahta Hai, Akash and Sid fight because there is a fundamental difference in their emotional maturity and what they consider boundaries in a friendship. While Sid has always been the ‘wise beyond his years’ guy of the group, listening to Akash disrespect his feelings, and by extension the woman he loves, forces him to step away from their friendship. View this post on Instagram A post shared by Farhan Akhtar (@faroutakhtar)This fight, which keeps Akash and Sid apart, impacts Sameer deeply as well. Sameer, the sweet, happy-go-lucky, hopeless romantic, has always relied on his friends for their opinions on what he should do, and how he should deal with situations. But when Sid and Akash both leave Mumbai soon after their fight, Sameer suddenly finds himself all alone. But their absence also gives him a chance to discover who he is and what kind of man he wants to be. Sameer pursues Pooja (Sonali Kulkarni), a girl his parents had introduced him to, making a more conventional choice than what his friends would have. Unlike earlier, this time he follows his instinct and allows his relationship with Pooja to blossom slowly, acting with maturity and restraint. Though he is lonely without his friends, he also comes into his own when he is not constantly turning to them for help.Also read | Dil Chahta Hai: Generation-defining film that forgot to give a job to its womenWhile Sameer’s plight is similar to a middle child, stuck between the wise older sibling and the naughty younger one, Sid has always followed the road less travelled. Even as a college student, he knows he wants to be an artist. Unlike Akash and Sameer, who have a family business to join, Sid never joins the rat race, or race of any kind. He spends time away from Mumbai in the quietude of Kasauli and his uncle’s farmhouse in Pune, painting and working on his craft. Even in love, he follows a road less travelled. Sid falls in love with Tara (Dimple Kapadia), an older woman who understands the solitude within him, and offers him an intellectual companionship his friends can’t. In most films, a man falling in love or being attracted to an older woman always has a sexual subtext. But in Dil Chahta Hai, Farhan treats both Sid’s feelings and Tara’s character with tremendous dignity. There are no suggestive camera angles, clothes or conversations to make her look like a predator or him like a sexually eager youngster.Story continues below this ad A still from Dil Chahta Hai.What also set Dil Chahta Hai apart was its refusal to apologise or justify the obvious affluence of its protagonists. This may sound controversial, but unlike hundreds of Bollywood films where male friendships are between a rich man and a poor man or two childhood friends, one of whom has been adopted by the other’s family, Dil Chahta Hai gave us a very matter-of-fact portrayal of how three upper middle class/wealthy men from Mumbai would live. Were their problems first- world ones? Sure. But does that mean they didn’t have any? No. Dil Chahta Hai simultaneously became the benchmark and the template for Hindi films on urban friendships and specifically male friendships. I had never seen men dress, speak or live the way Akash, Sameer, and Sid did. A lifestyle that was both realistic and aspirational. Now, twenty-five years later, I have newfound respect for how bravely Farhan Akhtar stepped away from the Bollywood templates for writing male characters. He gave us three flawed, evolving men, and thankfully zero ‘mards’.