5 min readAug 1, 2026 06:01 PM IST First published on: Aug 1, 2026 at 06:00 PM ISTIf you’re going to watch the latest Spider-Man film titled Brand New Day in an Indian theatre, you’ll be able to watch Spidey fight ninja warriors, swing through scarily high skyscrapers and even take devastating punches from the mighty Hulk. But you know what you won’t be able to see him do? Kiss Mary Jane for more than 8 seconds.Yes, our trusted uncles and aunties of the CBFC (Central Board of Film Certification) are at it again. An eight-second sequence found to be “a titillating sensual act” was excised from the film. It isn’t the first time that the good people at the CBFC have reminded superpowered men in tights that their primary job is fighting crime and not locking lips for extended periods of time. In July 2025, when Superman came flying onto our movie screens, two of his kissing scenes with love interest Lois Lane, which clocked in at a whopping 33 seconds, were sternly snipped by our censors.AdvertisementAlso Read | A censor board that fears the truth is not protecting culture, it is impoverishing itI often feel that audiences who choose to willingly watch Hollywood films in India are subjected to playing a game of “spot the modification”.Said modifications come in various styles, shapes and sizes.You’re engrossed in a tense verbal spat between two characters on screen. Suddenly you’ll notice one of the characters’ faces contorting in anger, but the words coming out are muted. Now you have to fill in the blanks and guess the curse word that might have been uttered in the scenario. Thank you, CBFC, for making us expert lip readers.Even the subtitles won’t help you out, displaying a series of asterisks as if implying all the conditions that apply when you choose to watch a Hollywood film in India.AdvertisementOn the subject of subtitles, many a time my eyes stay glued to the bottom third of the screen, almost disregarding the action happening above as I am worried that the words of the subtitles might collide with the words of the giant, static warning telling us that smoking, alcohol and drugs are bad for us.It does not even matter if the characters on screen are actually smoking or drinking. For example, the recently released comedy ‘The Invite’ had the anti-smoking and drinking warning boldly occupying almost a quarter of the frame throughout its 107-minute runtime. It’s like instead of picking and choosing specific moments, the CBFC issued this warning at large on the heathens who chose to watch an “adult” comedy.If heaven forbid a bottle of alcohol makes a screen appearance, the CBFC makes sure your brain stays alert trying to decipher the blurred-out brand simply by its vague colour scheme. Never mind the irony that blurry vision is one of the effects of having consumed alcohol.Last year’s F1 starring Brad Pitt had a rather advanced version of this ‘spot the modification’ game when a middle finger emoji during a text message exchange on screen was blurred out. One can only imagine what might transpire when CBFC members learn the hidden meanings of the eggplant and peach emojis.Watching Hollywood films in India has become a strange meta-experience. You’re not just following the story unfolding on screen; you’re also trying to reverse-engineer the invisible decisions made in a certification office. How much kissing is too much kissing? How much violence is too much violence? And why a different yardstick for different films?What makes the board members decide that a violent scene in Obsession will make people squirm an hour into the film and needs to be shortened, as compared to Dhurandhar 2 where an Indian spy is wreaking havoc on terrorists from across the border in the most graphic ways for over three hours?Both the films were passed with an ‘A’ certificate, but one set of adults apparently needed more hand-holding than the other.The aforementioned “acts of titillation” also seem to go untouched in films like Peddi or the many raunchy ‘Housefull’ films.Rather than CBFC evolving, Hollywood studios have now started pre-empting their objections and on occasions creating “sanitised” altered versions of their films for the Indian market.Maybe therein lies the CBFC’s victory. The mighty Hollywood superheroes lie at the mercy of the sarkari certification office. It may be a brand new day in Spider-Man’s world. Over here it’s the same old, same old.The writer is a podcast producer and stand-up comedian