Director and singer Vishal Bhardwaj, on The Kapil Sharma Show, once spoke about the importance of calling people out. During a movie promotion, he shared, “Mujhe apni sharafat se chid hoti hai. Aapko maloom hai aapko koi bewakoof bana rahe hein, fir bhi aap usko bol nahi paa rahe ho, ke tum mujhe bewakoof bana rahe ho mujhe samajh mei aa raha hai.” (“I hate my own decency. You know someone is making a fool of you, yet you still can’t bring yourself to tell them, ‘I know you’re trying to fool me. I can see exactly what’s going on.'”)DISCLAIMER: This article is based on information from the public domain and/or the experts we spoke to. His confession will resonate with many — those who recognise when they are being taken for granted, yet choose silence over confrontation, ending up in a rabbit hole. But isn’t staying quiet equally destructive? According to Delhi-based psychologist Dr Priyanka Bhosale, this irritation is psychologically significant.When ‘sharafat’ starts feeling heavy“When someone says they feel irritated by their own ‘sharafat,’ it is rarely a rejection of kindness,” says Dr Bhosale. “It is usually exhaustion from repeatedly abandoning one’s own voice to maintain harmony.”She explains that such restraint is often rooted in early emotional conditioning. “Many individuals grow up learning that being ‘good’ means being accommodating, mature, and non-confrontational. Over time, this creates an internal split.”One part of the self seeks fairness and dignity. The other seeks approval and relational safety. “The irritation emerges from this tension,” she says. “It is the psyche’s way of signalling that self-respect has been suppressed for too long.” View this post on Instagram A post shared by Vishal Bhardwaj (@vishalrbhardwaj) Why confrontation feels so riskyIf people recognise manipulation, why don’t they speak up? “Most individuals are not unaware,” Dr Bhosale explains. “They sense when something is off. What holds them back is the emotional risk attached to confrontation.”For many, confrontation subconsciously equals loss — loss of approval, connection, or emotional security. Those with people-pleasing tendencies often feel responsible for maintaining emotional balance in relationships.Story continues below this ad“They are deeply empathetic and attuned to others,” she says. “But they may prioritise relational harmony over personal truth.” There is also fear of being perceived negatively. “People worry they will be labelled harsh, difficult, or unkind. So they tolerate situations that quietly diminish them.”But silence has consequences. “What remains unspoken does not disappear,” Dr Bhosale notes. “It often transforms into emotional fatigue, resentment, and disconnection from oneself.”Kindness or people pleasing?How does one distinguish genuine kindness from over-accommodation?“The difference lies in emotional experience,” says Dr Bhosale. “True kindness comes from choice and emotional freedom. Over-accommodation comes from fear.”Story continues below this adExternally, both may look similar. Internally, they feel very different. “One simple check is this: What remains after the interaction?” she suggests. “True kindness leaves peace. Self-compromising accommodation leaves heaviness.”She emphasises that kindness that excludes oneself is not sustainable. “Compassion must include the self. Otherwise, it becomes quiet self-erasure.”ALSO READ | Are you a people-pleaserHow to be assertive without guiltAssertiveness, Dr Bhosale clarifies, is not aggression. “It is honesty delivered from emotional regulation,” she says.The first step is cognitive reframing. “People must understand that asserting needs is not selfish. Boundaries are not rejection — they are self-respect.”Story continues below this adThe second step is pausing. Many accommodate reflexively. “A pause allows conscious choice rather than fear-based compliance.” Emotional regulation is key. “Assertiveness expressed from calm awareness is far more effective than words spoken from accumulated hurt.”Over time, individuals develop internal validation — trusting their own emotional experiences without seeking constant external approval. “This reduces guilt and strengthens emotional autonomy.”DISCLAIMER: This article is based on information from the public domain and/or the experts we spoke to.