As I read something in one of my books today, I realized something; the women I know who confess to really, really enjoy making love with their spouses and have no trouble orgasming, are also the ones who are very comfortable in their bodies and would wear anything, as long as they like it. On the other hand, a good majority of the women I know that ‘hate’ sex and dread being intimate with their husbands, are also the ones who are very bothered by what others think about them and their bodies, and are obsessed with, “How does my stomach look in this?” Chances are, the woman who is self-conscious about everything will also be too busy worrying about how her husband is possibly viewing her body as they swing this-way that-way, to reach any meaningful heights or orgasm in sex. A doctor in human sexuality says it is next to impossible to achieve orgasm if one has not mastered the art of breathing freely and relaxing. Cue in men. They are the most body-confident people I know. No wonder they don’t have half the hang-ups women have about sex. A wife will be worrying about her stretch marks. Added or lost body weight. What she looks like in this particular sex position. The aesthetics of this and that (don’t you know someone who sleeps with full makeup on?) And I won’t put it past some to actively suck in their stomachs during sex, becoming their own biggest stumbling blocks. “You can’t relax your genitals when you’re holding in your stomach. A relaxed body leads to a more relaxed attitude, which leads to a more relaxed life. The way in which you breathe can make a vast difference in the quality of your orgasms and your life,” Dr Susan Campbell said in her The Everything Great Sex Book, which she co-authored with Suzie Heumann. “Women who don’t orgasm easily often hold their breath as they get more turned on. As they approach a kind of transition stage on the way to peak arousal, they will often hold their breath, and then nothing happens.” Instead of focusing on breathing and driving the feeling to a logical, ecstatic conclusion, the average woman will possibly block that feeling of totally losing control, lest her coiffure gets ruffled, or her face projects anything but perfection as she completely falls apart. This failure to orgasm by a big percentage of women – some studies put it as high as 70 per cent – is sometimes simply due to too much control on her part; that fear of not being in control of how far back your eyes roll, or how many degrees south your belly flops. Allow yourself to relax and breathe consciously, for your body signals to connect successfully. Even men who have not mastered the art of relaxing and breathing comfortably, will find themselves among the statistics of the early/premature ejaculators. “Men can, when they notice their breath getting faster, consciously breath slower and more fully. This allows them to move the sexual excitement through their body instead of unconsciously going right past all those exquisite feelings and going ‘over the top’.” So, breath control is important not just for a good singing voice, but also for a memorable lovemaking experience. Open a search engine or even social media, and find easy, do-it-yourself exercises that will improve your breathing and add endurance to your lungs. Orgasms aside, no one wants a lover to pass out on them because they held their breath and deprived their brains of oxygen! caronakazibwe@gmail.comThe post Sex Talk: Girlfriend, get in some breathing exercises appeared first on The Observer Media Ltd.