It’s time to breathe a huge sigh of relief. For months, it had seemed that Donald Trump was far more involved with Jeffrey Epstein than he had let on. Witnesses discussed photos of Trump with young girls and stains on his pants, we heard about a lewd birthday message from Trump to Epstein, and the president himself suddenly and suspiciously did a U-Turn on releasing the Epstein files. But, thankfully for the dignity of the nation, Ghislaine Maxwell has flown in to save his bacon. On 24 and 25 July, Todd Blanche, the deputy attorney general (also essentially Trump’s own personal lawyer) visited Maxwell in prison to interview her. Now the transcripts are out and, wouldn’t you know it, Trump is squeaky-clean! During the interview, Maxwell quickly turned into a Donald Trump hypewoman. She brought him up unprompted early in the interview and went on to lovebomb him throughout, saying he’s “a gentleman in all respects”. She underlined specifically that: “I actually never saw the president in any type of massage setting. I never witnessed the president in any inappropriate setting in any way. The president was never inappropriate with anybody.” She then explained that, actually, Trump and Epstein weren’t really that close anyway: “I don’t know how they met, and I don’t know how they became friends. I certainly saw them together and I remember the few times I observed them together, but they were friendly. I mean, they seemed friendl. I think they were friendly like people are in social settings. I don’t … I don’t think they were close friends or I certainly never witnessed the president in any of … I don’t recall ever seeing him in his house, for instance,” Wow, she’s so helpful to the president! Trump couldn’t have hoped for more if he’d gone in with a plan to bribe her to exonerate him! In other, unrelated news, soon after the interview, Maxwell was transferred from her federal prison in Florida to a minimum-security prison camp in Texas. Wow, what a crazy coincidence Nobody has managed to give a satisfactory explanation for why Maxwell was moved right after the interview, but c’mon. C’mooon. Dave Aronberg, former Democratic state attorney for Palm Beach County, practically rolled his eyes as he told CNN: “From what we see from this transcript, Trump is getting what he wants. She is saying that Trump didn’t do anything untoward, nothing criminal. That’s what Trump wants. Ideally, he’d also like names of Democrats who did do something wrong, because that’s what the Maga base has been promised.” Whatever else is going on, Maxwell has played her hand superbly. As arguably one of the most despised women on the planet, it’s not like she has to put her reputation on the line by humiliating herself by praising Trump, and she’s leveraged this worthless praise into an extended stay in a relatively luxurious Club Fed. I guess there’s a reason why Epstein kept her around as the logistics person and partner for his depraved pedophile ring and secluded child sex island. You just can’t buy strategic competence like that!