Nobody talks about how academic pressure quietly kills the desire to learn. It’s not that students don’t want to study… we’re just tired of being forced to run a race we never signed up for. We have questions about life, about money, about who we are becoming but instead we’re told to memorise, score, repeat. Marks become louder than mental health and ‘focus’ becomes another word for silence. Somewhere between expectations and exams, curiosity fades and education starts feeling less like growth and more like something we’re just trying to survive.” A young person shared these words with me from an Instagram post.ARTICLE CONTINUES BELOW VIDEOIt echoed the sentiment of so many other tired young souls I have been meeting recently. Where everything they do is being scrutinised, compared and measured.After all, it is that season of the year when children are being told, “Your board results will decide your life.” One of the biggest lies that has been peddled in our society for generations. They do not decide their lives. It might get them admission to a college that makes them feel good about themselves and makes their parents happy for a while. Or add a feather to their school’s bragging cap. But I hope we remember that life is a journey, not a race.A system that reduces a child’s worth to scores narrows human possibilities. It diminishes the significance of everything that really matters in life. Curiosity, passion for learning, creativity, humour, play, imagination, kindness, courage and love. And so much more.If you think about it, what a young person I met called an “academic pressure cooker” robs them of all that. Instead, it brings in sleepless nights, exhaustion, anxiety, panic, self-doubt,and self-loathing. And the inevitable, “What is the point of living?” “I feel like killing myself.” And if you want to dismiss this as just a passing phase, do keep in mind that India tops the world in student suicides. The problem is not them; the problem is that they are being raised in a pressure-cooker society with no safety valve for release.A young person explained to me, “When we say we are tired, we do not mean we are only tired of studying or of putting in the effort. We are tired of performing, of living with constant comparison, of living with fear, of failing… of this being the only conversation at home… of disappointing our parents and our teachers.”It is easy to blame the parents but there are no villains in this story. Parents push because they fear that their child might be left behind. Teachers measure because the system demands measurable outcomes. Each is responding to a larger structure shaped by fear of scarcity and the belief that we can only survive through competition. The market is rife with tuition and coaching centres capitalising on this insecurity. In this thrum of fear, pressure-cooker life is normalised. It moves quietly through bodies, homes, classrooms and institutions, until children begin to carry burdens they did not create and cannot yet shrug away.Story continues below this ad Nobody talks about how academic pressure quietly kills the desire to learn (Photo: Freepik)ALSO READ | Schools that careIt is our shared responsibility to come together and find a way forward.We have to be mindful of ways we might be feeding into this pressure cooker. Is our conversation with children all about studies, which stream they are taking and how many marks they got? Do we have to reflect on how, on the one hand, we might be saying that marks do not matter but, on the other hand, we are really hoping they score 90 per cent or above so we can boast to our family and friends? Our children have a keen radar for adult duplicity. I remember a young person sharing with me, “During our annual day, our Principal, in her speech, told us that we should not get stressed about our exams and that marks do not matter. And five minutes later, she announced how proud they were of all the children in the previous batch who had scored above 90 per cent. Such hypocrisy!” I heard a parent tell his child, “We just want you to do your best. No pressure.” And the child turned around and said, “It is so easy for you to say no pressure. But every time you say this, I am so scared that I will never reach your best.” We are all products of the pressure-cooker culture and without realising it, we can end up passing our fears on to our children. Where our children end up feeling that their worth is equal to their marks and our love is conditional.We have to take a stand, speak up and question the structures that perpetuate this pressure — in our schools, in our homes, on WhatsApp groups, on social media, in our newspapers and on TV channels. We cannot wait for the tragedies of suicides to start ranting about the system. No single step will dissolve this pressure because it lives in our collective fears and aspirations. Yet small shifts matter. A home where marks do not define love. A classroom which respects all kinds of learning pathways and future possibilities. A school or a board that refuses to announce marks publicly. A culture that recognises that diversity is what makes humanity rich. It takes courage to opt out of the pressure-cooker culture.We have to invite their sense of agency and not impose our demands. What if, rather than instructing them, we started asking them about their struggles, their hopes and what keeps them going? To make space to talk about what helps, what does not help, what would it look like if things were better, what is that one thing they could do that might make a difference, what is it that you could do to help them?Story continues below this adSimple, gentle questions asked without any judgment or ultimatums. When children feel safe, they speak and share. When learning regains meaning, curiosity returns. When they are invited rather than driven, they start to take charge and have a greater sense of agency in their lives. When adults listen without demands, children find space to breathe, take an interest in their own lives and take active steps.We have to make a collective shift. Movements do not always begin with a protest. Sometimes they begin with a collective shift we are all committed to make. To see a child not as a scoreboard but as a life unfolding. In a world where the dominant idea of success is defined by greed, power and exploitation, our pushing can only perpetuate the same cycle of injustice. We do not have to show them the way. If we listen, trust and make space, they will. So let’s all take a deep breath, step back and let them chart their own journey.In this column, Shelja Sen curates the knowhow of the children and youth she has the honour of working with. Email her at shelja.sen@childrenfirstindia.com