“I’m the tea you’ll be having” is what it took Violet Bridgerton to finally get the audience’s attention. And in my opinion, that’s quite sad, because she has been the backbone of Bridgerton since season one. Yes, I’m getting straight to the point because I’m mad.I binged Bridgerton this February and didn’t expect to love it as much as I did. When my sister asked for my favourite character, I immediately said Violet. She paused, then realised she could pick her too.It was the same when I asked others. Some said Benedict Bridgerton or Eloise Bridgerton or someone else. And that’s when it clicked: we’ve collectively overlooked someone who has been central to the story from the very beginning. Not because we don’t like her, but because we don’t see her that way. An older woman, a mother. She can be appreciated, sure. But a favourite? A widow with children?Until, of course, she becomes desirable.Also Read | Bridgerton’s latest season is all about ‘log kya kahenge’, takes them a full season to realise ‘logo ka kaam hai kehna’When appreciation needs desirabilityBecause it took one moment, one line, one shift in how she was framed for people to suddenly notice her, to find her “hot.” And that’s not appreciation. That’s objectification. What comes with age, maturity, emotional intelligence, steadiness, grace – we still don’t value enough to centre.Because if you look closely, Violet has always been extraordinary. A single mother in the early 1800s, raising a house full of children, navigating society, and still choosing to prioritise her children’s happiness, especially their right to choose love.She is the emotional anchor of the Bridgerton family. She listens, adapts, supports, often in ways that go unnoticed precisely because they are quiet. In a time when parents dictated, she tries to understand. That alone sets her apart.From shaping Anthony into a gentleman, to going after Berbrooke to protect her daughter Daphne, to supporting Francesca’s choices – even when it meant going against the Queen – and being her pillar of strength after John’s death, season 4 only proves the lengths she’ll go to for her family. She doesn’t even care about Sophie being from another class.Story continues below this adAnd yet, it took her choosing herself – her desire, her body – for the audience to truly see her.We only notice women when they re-enter the gazeThis says something uncomfortable: women become visible when they become desirable. Not to take away from the fact that Violet Bridgerton, played by Ruth Gemmell, is already a beautiful and elegant woman.And this isn’t just about Violet Bridgerton. We’ve seen this play out again and again. It took years for Jennifer Coolidge to be truly noticed until The White Lotus. In Bollywood, Neena Gupta spoke openly about being sidelined until Badhaai Ho brought her back into focus. Even someone like Tabu, despite decades of incredible work, isn’t always centred the way her male counterparts are.Because the truth is, women don’t disappear – we just stop looking at them unless they give us a reason to.Story continues below this adThe show is created by a woman, centred on women’s lives, yet the loudest admiration still goes to the men. Sure, Jonathan Bailey and Luke Thompson take away the spotlight since the seasons revolve around them. But Violet has been a constant across every season, shaping every storyline from the background. And still, she’s overlooked.Also Read | Bridgerton showrunner on casting Banita Sandhu in Season 3: ‘Her effervescence and glow came off the screen immediately’I realised this when I tried to read about her. I could barely find anything. Until that shift. Then suddenly, she was everywhere. That contrast alone says everything.The labour we call ‘duty’On the other hand, when Lord Anderson enters the show, no one questions his age, his past, or his desirability. He’s simply accepted. But with Violet, it’s surprising, questionable. Even her own son, Benedict Bridgerton, feels entitled to question her choices, despite his own uncertainty about life.Then there are the women who carry the show – the Queen, Lady Danbury, and Violet. Yet only Lady Danbury is consistently celebrated, perhaps because she exists outside the expectations of active motherhood. And the Queen, well, she’s the Queen.Story continues below this adViolet doesn’t get that luxury. She is still in it, still choosing her children every day. And that’s exactly the kind of labour we dismiss, because we call it duty.But it’s not. Just look at Portia Featherington, played by Polly Walker, a mother who prioritises survival over emotional care. The difference is stark. And intentional.What this really comes down to is this: we struggle to appreciate women beyond a certain frame. The moment someone becomes a “mother” or an “older woman,” our perception narrows. We hesitate, because appreciation, in our minds, is tied to desirability. And that needs to change.Because even when Violet begins to explore something for herself, there is hesitation, guilt, and emotional weight. Her priority never shifts, her family remains at the centre.Story continues below this adThat complexity, that quiet balance between self and responsibility, is what makes her compelling. And yet, still not enough for most of us to call her a favourite.