A conversation between actor Shabana Azmi and her screenwriter husband Javed Akhtar, who have been married for 41 years, recently offered a glimpse into how relationships can evolve over decades. Speaking during an interaction at Mojo Story, Javed shared a practical view of love, saying that it does not always unfold in dramatic, cinematic moments. According to him, people cannot always pinpoint the exact second they fall in love. Responding to this, Shabana joked, “So he has busted the myth. In case any of you think that because he writes so many romantic songs, he must be a romantic husband. There is not a romantic bone in his body.”The conversation then turned to a story from their courtship days that has often been mentioned in interviews. When asked about it, Javed brushed it aside, saying, “There is nothing like that; it just happened once.” Shabana, however, narrated the incident in detail. She said, “This was during our courtship days, and we were passing by a florist. I told him the flowers are so beautiful, and he stopped the car and bought the entire shop. I just fell head over heels for him.”She also recalled that her mother had once cautioned her about getting involved with a poet or writer. Reflecting on a moment when they were not speaking to each other, Shabana said, “Later, when we were not talking to each other, he sent me a poem. After reading the poem, my mom said, ‘Mat phaso, a poet always traps you with his words. Isse dur raho’ (Stay away from him).”Despite their long marriage and public image as a strong couple, the two also acknowledged that disagreements are part of their relationship. Shabana explained that they have developed a strategy to handle intense arguments: “We do fight. However, when we are really going to be nasty with each other, we have this magical word ‘drop it’, and we actually drop it, and we get back to the issue after 10 days when we are calmer. It saves so much hurt, disrespect and regret.”How does love usually develop in real-life relationships?Psychologist Rasshi Gurnani tells indianexpress.com, “In real life, love rarely appears as an instant, dramatic moment the way films portray it. Psychologically, it usually develops through a gradual process of emotional bonding, familiarity, and trust-building. Research on attachment theory shows that people tend to grow closer through repeated interactions where they feel seen, heard, and emotionally safe.” She continues, “What begins as attraction or curiosity often deepens into what psychologists call ‘companionate love, ‘ a stable form of love rooted in shared experiences, reliability, and emotional intimacy. Over time, small everyday interactions, mutual respect, and the ability to support each other during stress play a much bigger role in sustaining love than a single defining moment.” View this post on Instagram A post shared by Shabana Azmi (@azmishabana18) Do grand romantic gestures meaningfully strengthen long-term bonds?Grand romantic gestures can feel very meaningful in the early phase of a relationship because they trigger strong emotional responses and reinforce feelings of being valued. “Psychologically, such gestures activate reward pathways in the brain, creating excitement and positive association with the partner. However, research in relationship psychology consistently shows that long-term satisfaction is less about intensity and more about consistency. Emotional responsiveness, reliability, and everyday acts of care are stronger predictors of relationship stability,” mentions Gurnani. Pausing a heated argument and returning to it laterThe idea of pausing an argument and returning to it later is actually supported by psychological research on conflict regulation. When couples argue, Gurnani explains that “emotional arousal can increase rapidly,” activating what psychologists call the “fight-or-flight response.” In this state, the brain’s ability to think rationally decreases, and people are more likely to say things they later regret. Story continues below this ad“Taking a pause allows both partners’ nervous systems to regulate and reduces emotional flooding. This strategy, often called a ‘cooling-off period,’ can be very effective if both partners agree to revisit the issue calmly later. Constructive conflict resolution is less about avoiding disagreement and more about maintaining respect, empathy, and emotional safety during difficult conversations,” concludes Gurnani.