If you have preconditioned your body to fake everything from lubrication to an orgasm, don’t be surprised then, when that is all the reaction and action it will ever know, unless there is divine intervention! To be clear, after a certain age, especially after menopause sets in, some women need a little help with artificial lubrication, but for much younger women, why are you not allowing your body to respond naturally to your husband? Why aren’t you giving it a chance to truly enjoy the lovemaking that comes its way, and even experience multiple orgasms? The Ugandan woman from various cultures will do so much to her body, for the sole purpose of pleasing the man who one day ends up marrying her. In some parts of the country – and in other African countries, I have learnt – there are actual ‘classes’ on how she should move, moan, say sweet nothings, induce lubrication, etc, for the purpose of fanning the husband’s ego even when the sex he brings her way is not really ‘sexing’. And in this flurry of pre-marital counselling and preparations for the bride-to-be, no one ever talks to the groom-to-be about his responsibility during sex. So, the couple that meets to consummate the marriage will have a well- prepared bride on one side, and in many cases, a husband flying blind, or relying on past experiences (not necessarily good) on the other side, and the result is a wife who puts what was taught to her into practice even where it is not needed. That is how many wives were introduced to faking orgasms; by being told it is okay for the man to have a high libido, and her role is to quench that thirst and fan his ego. That is the field where women’s libidos have gone to die. Not many men actually know that women too have libidos. One husband reportedly went to American marriage counsellor and author Joe Beam, to ‘report’ his wife’s promiscuity; she loved making love more than he did, and he found that highly irregular and worrying. Beam, according to his book, Becoming One, told him if only he knew how many men wished they had a ‘problem’ like his! Well, there are women that are very much in tune and in touch with their bodies, and do not apologise for their healthy libidos that sometimes rank higher than their husbands’. There are also women that have healthy libidos, but may never know it, because they have somehow created a form of muscle memory for everything concerning sex, and they now just go through the motions. They drink one herb or the other to create lubrication that may have nothing to do with arousal, and when it is time to make love, they count down to when they can bring in the theatre troupe instead of pink elephants, acting out their ‘enjoyment’ and ‘orgasm’, until the body learns to automatically do that to please a husband and leave the actress still feeling high and dry. Take charge of your body, your marriage and sex life. Don’t be too lazy to put in the work that will help you to respond genuinely to stimuli, enjoy the sex in your marriage more and cash in on the various benefits that are touted to come with great sex. The first step is talking to your spouse; you can’t blame your husband for your failure to enjoy making love with him, if you cannot bring yourself to talk freely about what is good, what needs to be adopted, and what should be dropped. I believe men are better communicators when it comes to their sexual needs. Women? It is mostly work in progress. caronakazibwe@ gmail.comThe post Sex Talk: Don’t stunt your libido appeared first on The Observer.