‘DO IT’: Donald Trump backs plan to rename ICE to ‘NICE’ to improve image of agents

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ICE was already widely despised before Donald Trump returned to the presidency, but it’s safe to say their image is currently at rock bottom after they murdered two innocent Americans on camera in Minnesota. Those murders, combined with the hours upon hours of footage showing masked, highly armed, and heavily armored goons beating and brutalizing regular Americans with impunity, were a step too far even for the Trump administration. Kristi Noem and Greg Bovino, the architects of that chaos, were both fired, and while current DHS head Markwayne Mullin is by no means some shining model of morality, ICE at least hasn’t domed any more innocent people under his watch. Yet. So, maybe it’s time for a rebrand? ICE, the common acronym for United States Immigration and Customs Enforcement, sounds cold and impersonal. Now Trump has gotten behind a proposal to sweeten things up just a teeny bit: The originator of the idea, @alyssamariiee11, says that ICE should be renamed NICE, meaning all ICE agents would then be referred to as “NICE agents”. Trump apparently loves the idea, reposting it with a message: “GREAT IDEA!!! DO IT. President DJT.” Maybe it’s time for a rethink This should be fairly easy to do: perhaps ICE could officially be renamed the “United States National Immigration and Customs Enforcement”, making the acronym NICE. But why stop there? The current logo, featuring an intimidating-looking frowning eagle, could be ditched, perhaps replacing it with a happy little squirrel offering you an acorn? And, frankly, why not go the whole hog if you’re rebranding? If they’re serious about pursuing the “NICE” idea, why not simply fire, detain, and prosecute all existing ICE agents for trampling over the US Constitution and the various acts of callous brutality they’ve inflicted upon regular citizens, and replace them with, I dunno, out-of-work kindergarten teachers or something. In fact, why even have NICE pursue immigrants at all? What if, instead of vast sums of taxpayers’ money being used to beat and torture desperate people, the organization was reworked to deliver nutritious meals to working-class families, or perhaps run mobile libraries for disadvantaged communities? Unfortunately for Trump, ICE’s menacing image is not only intentional but a motivating factor for America’s assorted sickos, sadists, and psychopaths to sign up to work for them. ICE wants to be feared, and they’d hate Trump forcibly rebranding them as NICE. Whatever the case, a reckoning is coming down the pipeline for ICE, and while the wheels of justice turn slowly, these murderers and thugs will one day be on trial for their many crimes against the United States and its people.