If you grew up thinking anal was either (a) a gay thing, (b) a porn thing, or (c) a thing you were “supposed” to tolerate for someone else’s benefit, congrats: you were handed the same deeply unhelpful starter pack most of us got. The good news is that anal play has gotten way less taboo in the past few years, and the conversation has finally started to sound… normal. Curious. Even kind of wholesome, if you squint. As Anna Richards, sex educator and founder of FrolicMe.com, puts it, anal is no longer framed as “exclusively about gay male expression or male domination,” and has become “more for every type of person and body,” thanks to more queer-friendly brands, better mainstream coverage, and ethical porn that actually shows consent and pacing.Still, the internet loves turning everything into a scoreboard. “Training” can sound like a macho endurance test or a “Good Bottom Certification Program,” which is exactly the vibe we’re not doing. Real anal training is about making your body feel safe enough to relax so it can actually be enjoyable. If you treat it like an endurance sport, your butt will absolutely unionize and refuse to cooperate. It’s gradual, not linear. And the whole point is pleasure, not performance.YOU MIGHT ALSO NEED: Best Anal Sex Toys for Beginners: Starter Kits, Plugs, Beads, and Dilators That Hit Just RightWhat you need for anal trainingYou don’t need a full equipment closet. You need a few basics that prevent the most common beginner mistakes.1. Lube (a lot of it, and the right kind).Richards says she usually recommends silicone lube for anal play because it’s “thick, slippery, and long-lasting.” The appeal is its slickness, which matters because the anus doesn’t self-lubricate.(opens in a new window)Uberlube Silicone Lubricant(opens in a new window)$31.99 at Adam & EveBuy Now(opens in a new window)If you’re using a silicone toy, Richards recommends using a water-based lube instead, because silicone lube can degrade the toy over time and make it porous.(opens in a new window)Sliquid H2O Original Water-Based Lubricant(opens in a new window)$24.99 at LovehoneyBuy Now(opens in a new window)2. An actual anal-safe toy.Lisa Finn, a sex educator for Babeland, is very clear that not every toy belongs anywhere near your butt. “Not every toy is anal safe,” she explains, and the non-negotiable is a flared base that acts as an anchor so the toy can’t slip in too far and become a “please don’t make me explain this to an ER nurse” situation.(opens in a new window)Silicone Anal Plug With Flared Base(opens in a new window)$19.95+ at TooTimidBuy Now(opens in a new window)3. Time, privacy, and a nervous system that isn’t panicking.If you’re rushing, stressed, or treating this like a dare, your body is going to be on guard. You’re not a butt play failure if that happens; it’s just your body doing its job.What types of anal training toys might be right for my butt?If you’re truly new, a surprisingly clinical (and helpful) starting point is your own finger.Dr. Rachel Gelman, PT, DPT, CSC, a pelvic floor physical therapist, says she “usually has someone start with their own finger” because it lets you feel what’s happening and get immediate feedback. If you want toys, Finn recommends thinking in three buckets: shape, size progression, and materials.For shape, tapered is your friend. Finn says beginners generally do best with something that gradually widens, because it makes insertion less intense than a bulbous tip that can trigger a sudden “pop” sensation.Training kits can also be useful because they’re built for progression. Finn notes that training kits include “graduating sizes” so you can move up without guessing.(opens in a new window)Anal Training Kit & Education Set(opens in a new window)$159.99 at b-VibeBuy Now(opens in a new window)And if you want a real-world gut check (no pun intended) from someone who makes a living around this topic, Miles Fallon, an adult film star and OnlyFans creator, says “starting small and simple is always the move.” Bigger and more advanced shapes can come later, but “there’s zero rush.”What toy materials and sizes should I look for?Materials matter because bacteria are real, and butts are not sterile wonderlands.Finn recommends sticking to non-porous materials so that rectal bacteria don’t get trapped in the toy. Pure silicone (not a mystery “silicone blend”), stainless steel, and glass can all fit that bill, though Gelman notes glass makes her nervous because of breakage risk.For lube compatibility, Finn’s rule is simple: silicone toys pair best with water-based lube, while hard materials like metal or glass can typically handle water-based or silicone lube.Now, size. People always want a number, a timeline, a “when do I graduate” chart like this is a syllabus. The honest answer is that it depends. But Gelman does give a concrete starting point that’s actually useful: “One of the smallest I recommend is .3 inches in diameter,” and she suggests gradually increasing by about .25 inches as you get comfortable.How to start anal trainingThe simplest plan is also the best plan: build arousal, start externally, go slow, repeat.Richards recommends beginning with external stimulation first, especially with a partner. That can look like rimming, a vibrator used on the outside of the anus, or gentle touch around the area. You’re basically teaching your body that this is pleasurable rather than threatening.When you move to insertion, breathing is not optional. Gelman explains that “the diaphragm and pelvic floor move together,” and deep, gentle diaphragmatic breathing can help your pelvic floor relax. If you’re forcing your belly out aggressively, she notes it can backfire and cause the pelvic floor to contract.Once you’re lubed and breathing, start with a finger or a very slim toy and keep the session short. Gelman says, ideally, someone would do anal training “daily for 10-15 minutes,” but she also gives a more realistic mantra for normal humans: “One minute is better than no minutes.”When should I size up (and when should I size down)?This is where people turn anal training into an ego thing.Finn explains that progression isn’t one-and-done. You might use the same size “a few times over the course of a few sessions” and then move up once it feels genuinely comfortable. And just as important: your body can fluctuate. A size that felt great yesterday might feel like “nope” today, and that doesn’t mean you lost progress. It means you’re a real life human being.Kai Korpak, LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker and sex therapist, has one of the cleanest ways to frame this. He says compassionate anal training looks like “taking pauses and reassessing how it feels in the moment,” and avoiding outcome-driven goals like forcing yourself to hit a specific size.Fallon adds that if it feels comfortable and good, you’re on track; if it starts feeling like effort instead of pleasure, pause.General tips: pain, safety, mess, and porn ‘shortcuts’Pain is not the price of admission.Finn says “actual pain should never be normal.” Some intensity, pressure, or fullness can be normal as you adjust, but pain means stop and reassess. Often, the fix is boring but effective: more lube, more arousal, smaller size, slower pace, different angle, better breathing.From a clinical standpoint, Gelman flags red-flag symptoms that should not be ignored. “Pain is a big one,” she says, especially if it persists after removal or doesn’t lessen after insertion. “Bleeding is another one.” If you’re stuck, unable to insert even the smallest device or a finger, or you can’t progress at all, she suggests working with a pelvic floor therapist.On “shortcuts,” Suzannah Weiss, a sex therapist and author of Subjectified: Becoming a Sexual Subject, is blunt about numbing creams. She says they “can be dangerous” because they stop you from feeling discomfort that might signal overly vigorous penetration or tearing. In other words, numbing doesn’t make you safer, it can make you less aware.And douching is a personal preference, not a moral requirement. Weiss’s advice is to do your research and pick a safe kit if you choose to douche. She also gives people permission to communicate needs without shame, even saying something like “I’d prefer you douche first,” as long as you respect the other person’s right to say no.(opens in a new window)FUTURE METHOD Anal Douche Kit(opens in a new window)$24.99 at AmazonBuy Now(opens in a new window)And yes, porn can mess with expectations. Korpak says one of the biggest myths they see is that “bigger will mean better,” and that people push themselves because they see big toys in porn. Richards also notes that anal has been destigmatized in part through more approachable, queer-friendly education and brands, which is great, but it doesn’t mean everyone’s body has the same preferences or timeline.Your butt, your rulesAnal training works when it’s collaborative, not compulsory.If you want a simple north star, just go slow, stay curious, use way more lube than you think you need, and let your butt take the lead. If your body says no, that’s your answer. If your body says yes, you’re doing it right.Just remember that your butt isn’t a group project, and there’s no medal for rushing. You get to decide what’s worth exploring and what’s not.The post Anal Training Guide: How to Train Your Butt for Anal Sex of All Kinds appeared first on VICE.