There’s no parenting guide for “step motherhood”: only instincts, patience, and a strange mix of love, understanding and restraint.When a woman marries into a ready-made family, she isn’t just saying yes to a man — she’s stepping into a story already in progress. The script comes with characters who have memories, loyalties, and invisible boundaries. Some days she’s a friend, some days a referee, and often, a quiet witness learning which battles are hers to fight. The only thing constant for stepmothers? No rules — just improvisations of love.Among the many Pune women who have learnt this art in their own distinct ways, Saaz Aggarwal, in Pune, and Sunita Malhotra, now based in Belgium, are both married to men with children from previous marriages.Between them, they’ve rewritten the narrative of the “stepmother” — not as the wicked cliché from bedtime tales, but as the quiet bridge-builders who turn hesitant beginnings into families that function, sometimes even flourish.For Saaz Aggarwal, home meant navigating the morning chaos of three children — one she entered the marriage with, and her husband Ajay’s two from his first. Married in 1993, Saaz was 31 then; their son was five, and the girls were both turning seven, born just two months apart.The beginning was challenging.The children had lost their mother, and Saaz had stepped into a space still heavy with her presence. “You can’t erase it — only make space for it,” she says. She never tried to replace their mother; she simply became another caring adult in their orbit.Story continues below this ad“I’d been a single parent for a while before I married Ajay,” Saaz says. “I knew that if I ever remarried, it would be to someone who already had children — someone who understood that part of your heart is always with your child. Family, to me, is built through care, not blood. I learnt early that kids test consistency. They don’t always say it, but stability is love for them.”‘Love that felt wholly earned’A well-known writer, Saaz often turns to her blog to make sense of life’s tender complexities. In one post, she described how each child brought a distinct rhythm into her world — Aman, with his open affection and humour, making love easy and proving how healing takes shape in everyday moments; Ekta, with her quiet, aching realism, reminding her that not every story needs fixing — some just need living; and Veda, spirited and fiercely loyal, filling their home with laughter and noise. A well-known writer, Saaz often turns to her blog to make sense of life’s tender complexities. (Express Photo)“Together, they transformed my life — a home built on belonging, hard work, and love that felt wholly earned,” says Saaz, who believes in karmic relationships. “They come to you one way or another.”Today, the three children — now in their thirties — live independently, their bond with Saaz steady and warm, grounded more in friendship than in the roles they once played.Story continues below this adAcross continents, Sunita Malhotra was finding her own rhythm in a different kind of blended family. A Pune-based management consultant who travelled the world before settling in Belgium, she married Wim Claassen, a Dutchman with two daughters from his previous marriage. Unlike Saaz’s story, their biological mother was very much around. “So, the girls had two homes and two mothers,” Sunita says. “And that comes with its own diplomacy training.”‘You have to respect there is already a mother in the picture’The girls were toddlers when she married Wim, and Sunita instinctively knew she was stepping into tender territory. “Being the ‘second mom’ is tricky,” she says. “You want to help, to guide — but you also have to respect that there’s already a mother in the picture.”She decided her role would be about adding balance, not authority. Wim handled the big parenting calls — academics, career choices — while she offered support in the smaller, everyday ways: helping them stay organised, listening when they needed to talk, and simply being there without judgment.“Parenting is hard enough when the child calls you ‘Mum.’, harder when she calls you by your first name! Then, actually, it’s more like friendship,” she laughs. “The girls call me Sunita — and I’ve grown to love that.”Story continues below this adYears of managing multicultural teams perhaps helped her read silences as much as words. But even for a seasoned professional, parenting in a new country meant learning afresh — where affection had to be earned, and boundaries were both fragile and vital.One of the defining choices in her life was the decision not to have children of her own. “Sabine, the elder one, was very uncomfortable in the beginning — she feared she’d be forgotten if we had a baby,” Sunita recalls.“Florence, the younger one, was more easy-going. But I felt, deep down, that our family was complete as it was.” In time, Sunita found a rhythm that married her Indian instincts with Belgian sensibilities. (Express Photo)Over the years, shared rituals became their glue — cooking together, shopping together, and travelling as a family. “Nothing connects like getting lost in a new city,” she says with a smile. “Shared mistakes are a great leveller.”Story continues below this adIn time, Sunita found a rhythm that married her Indian instincts with Belgian sensibilities — caring deeply without hovering, guiding without imposing.“In India, we parent by presence; here, you parent by permission,” she says. “It’s about knowing when to step in, and when to step back.”Today, as the elder daughter navigates motherhood, Sunita finds herself promoted to grandmother — “a title I earned, not inherited,” she smiles.If there’s a common thread between these two women, it’s their quiet resilience — the grace to hold space in someone else’s story without demanding the spotlight. Both found that love, in blended families, is less about declarations and more about dailiness — showing up, listening, not taking adolescent/teenage moods personally and adapting mutually to each other. And that might just be the secret to happy homes everywhere.Neha Rathod is an intern with The Indian Express.