We often hear dating advice directed toward women, but what about men? It seems all male daters have left are those old-fashioned rules like “play it cool” and “make the first move,” many of which deepen the disconnect between today’s daters.In honor of International Men’s Day coming up on November 19, Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, relationship expert at Hily Dating App and Harvard-trained clinical psychologist, shared five myths that hold men back from genuine connection—and what to do instead.1. Acting Aloof Will Pique InterestHow many men (and women, honestly) have been force-fed the advice to “act distant” to win someone’s love and affection? “Dating coaches have been preaching ‘the rules’ for men to ‘play the game’ and manipulate their way into a relationship,” Romanoff reveals. “However, this always backfires because the level of exhaustion and effort needed to maintain this ‘dating game’ is never enough to override genuine connection.”Not to mention, the dating scene is changing. Many people are waking up to these toxic tactics and refuse to waste time on someone who isn’t pouring into the relationship. “You should not assume that being detached makes you more desirable. Acting distant only attracts people who are drawn to the chase, not to who you actually are,” says Romanoff. “When you stop censoring yourself and allow your real excitement or interest to show, it signals confidence and self-acceptance. People accept the beliefs you project about yourself.”2. Men Should Make the First MoveFor decades, we’ve been conditioned to believe that men should take the initiative in dating.“This myth comes from ancient gender roles that cast men as hunters and aggressors, where dominance signaled status and success,” says Romanoff. “But the pressure to perform this role keeps men from authentically showing up as themselves and connecting with potential partners.”Justice for the shy men and bold women!“When men view dating situations through the lens of whether they’re being dominant and taking the lead enough, they become consumed with living up to these standards,” Romanoff continues. “This preoccupation blinds them from being genuinely attuned to their partner. It inhibits vulnerability and ultimately truncates the opportunity to form a real connection.”3. Relationships Are a TrapIf you think a committed romantic relationship will keep you suffocated and stagnant, then you’ve clearly never been in a healthy, loving relationship.“Many men fear commitment because they’ve seen others feel trapped in unhappy relationships and want to avoid that fate,” says Romanoff. “But commitment itself isn’t the problem; choosing the wrong partner is.”The right relationship will make you feel confident, encouraged, and supported.“When you commit to the right person, you’re able to create a special bond, a deeper understanding of both yourself and another person, and experience a true partnership—something casual hookup culture can’t provide,” Romanoff explains. “When it’s the right fit, it empowers you to feel life in its highest highs, brightest colors, and fullest dimension.”4. Showing Emotion Makes You WeakI can’t speak for all women, but personally, I love it when a man is in touch with his emotions and isn’t afraid to express them freely. Of course, this goes directly against the ages-old “rule” that boys don’t cry. The Cure didn’t write their infamous song based on fiction.“For generations, men have been taught that they must control their emotions, practice stoicism, and show strength through emotional suppression,” says Romanoff. “But in reality, the ability to feel and express the full range of human emotions—and the vulnerability to share them—reflects high levels of security and self-acceptance.”5. Being ‘Friend-Zoned’ Is a Personal FailureIf you believe rejection is failure and only see value in women when there’s sex involved, you’re viewing relationships all wrong.“This belief makes relationships highly transactional and sends the message that physical intimacy is the most important thing men can get from their relationships,” says Romanoff. “It keeps men from experiencing emotional closeness and genuine intimacy with women.”“Many begin to see themselves as failures or ‘less masculine’ simply because not every woman views them as a romantic partner,” she continues. “Letting go of that mindset opens the door to deeper, more meaningful connections, without fear that friendship somehow diminishes your value or status.”The post These 5 Dating Myths Are Why So Many Men Stay Single appeared first on VICE.